Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A-
Do The Hardy Boys Dazzle You?

Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: This dreadful scene. So, Lippy and The Brunette retire to a booth and proceed to yammer away at each other for about three thousand years, during which time we learn that seventeen-year-old " target=_"blank">Kristen" posts horrifically written "poetry" to LiveJournal when she's not busy cutting herself, and that "Robert" is an emotard throat-sucker. Well, actually, we don't learn that Robert's an emotard throat-sucker for another three and a half endless minutes, but I'm trying to get through this tedious Twilight-inspired bullshit as quickly as possible. Sue me. Long, long story short, he plays hard-to-get, she pursues him anyway, he coyly pops a fang, she plotzes, and the two exit the bar so he might show her his world, or something like that, and the next thing we know, these two tiresome imbeciles are...

...wandering down a darkened and forbidding alleyway somewhere damp. "So, your place?" her inky-black silhouette wonders. "Is there gonna be velvet?" "Yeah, sure," his inky-black silhouette replies, barely attempting to humor her dumb ass by this point, and they eventually stop at the back door of an apparently abandoned building. "Is this it?" Kristen whines, screwing up her face with appalled disdain. "It smells like pee!" Robert would unleash a witty rejoinder to that, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that some scary little troll man pops up at this point in a sleazy black beater to snicker and perv over lissome Kristen. "Nice work, Robbie!" Troll Man leers, practically drooling as he gives Kristen a hairy once-over. "Robert?" Kristen bleats, turning to her purported protector. "What's happening?" Robert vamps out completely to sneer, "This is what you wanted, isn't it?" and with that, he advances upon her, driving Kristen back into Troll Man's sweaty embrace, and as the two gentlemen vampires proceed to attack their hapless victim's neck, Kristen's howls of fear and terror and BORING echo all the way into the...

...Tinkle, Tinkle RAAAWWWR! "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Shut up, Raoul. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Ugh.

Sometime later, Dean's cooling his heels at the Impala outside the Limestone municipal building, chatting on his cell with Bendy Lisa about the possibility of zipping over to Cicero for a quickie after he's done with his current case. Bendy Lisa's more than amenable to that idea -- go figure -- so the two make tentative plans to meet and hang up just as Sam ambles over with a sheaf of missing person alerts detailing the six Limestone lassies who've vanished over the last seven days. Based on what we can see from the flyers, all of the gals are pert little white thangs between the ages of sixteen and twenty, one of whom was last seen at "The Black Rose Bar." "Well," Dean notes, riffling through the reports, wondering where to begin their investigation, "six directions to go, here -- pick a number." "Seven," Sam replies before revealing, "Another call just came in today." With that, the boys embark, and Metallicar's soon grumbling off towards...

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