"I feel refreshed!" You should, you heartless little shit -- you've been unconscious for the last nine hours. "Oh, my! Has it really been that long?!" Don't bat those disingenuous eyelashes at me, fool. "Hee!" Now, go fix us some goddamned flagons, already -- I'm thirsty. "As you wish!"

Next week, Dreary El Deano whines about Secretly Evil Sammy to Bobby, My Sweet Baboo, his barista at Starbucks, a homeless guy in a wheelchair who's just trying to sell tiny little American flags to passersby, and some four-year-old who got her head stuck in a fence. Have fun!

Check out an interview with Supernatural star Misha Collins.

Demian's mother won't even let him watch Twilight because she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch. Raoul got stuck sitting next to Robert Pattinson on a flight from Heathrow to Kennedy and nearly died from the stench. "Mercy!" You may reach the former at demian_twop@yahoo.com. The latter is an imaginary gay dragon on the Internet.

Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.