Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Should Start Screening Their Calls

Even later, Darling Sammy's back on the road, where he answers a call from Grossed-Out El Deano, who himself has just been chatting with "an 84-year-old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband, who died in Korea." "Completely rocked my understanding of the word 'necrophilia,'" Dean overshares, just as his undertaker-looking self ambles past a miniskirted chippie, who tosses him a hairy eyeball in disgust. Hee. Right before they hang up on each other, the two agree to meet back at the motel to compare notes, and Dean's on the verge of sliding into the Impala's front seat when his cell rings. Dim Dean checks the caller ID, clearly does not recognize the originating number, and flips it open to bark, "Yeah?" Through a haze of EVP emerges the voice of...Daddy Shut Up! Who refuses to do so even now, nearly two years after his death! Shut UP, Sucky John. Sucky John, paying me no mind, murmurs, "Dean? Dean, is that you?" Sucky John's long-suffering elder son darts his eyes around like a crazy person and barely has time to blurt, "[My worthless bastard of a so-called father]?" before he's engulfed by a triumphantly returning METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Motel. Aftermath. Comfortably back in his plaid-patterned hunting togs, Darling Sammy snits, "[Our worthless bastard of a so-called father]? You really think it was [Sucky John]?" Dean, who not only had a brain tumor for breakfast but now also appears to be suffering from the aftereffects of a massively debilitating stroke, admits that yes, he really does think Sucky John borrowed Jesus's Verizon Wireless Blackberry Pearl to give him a buzz from Heaven so they could shoot the shit, or whatever. Oh, Dean. Why so stoopid? "You're just asking this now?!" Raoul cattily shrieks, rather uncharacteristically, if you ask me. What gives, my scaly friend? "Well, I am sorry, but we're nearly halfway through this tiresome evening of so-called 'entertainment,' and only one silly little person has died! One! I ask you, is that fair!?" Well, I thin... "IS THAT FAIR?! "Dude! Volume! "Oh, my! I do apologize most sincerely, I'm sure!" Eh, don't worry about it -- I reconciled myself to premature shriek-induced deafness a very long time ago, so it's no big. "Hooray!" Ow. In any event, the episode does get a little better later on. "Promise!?"...sort of? "Then chop-chop, you silly little man! I've grown impatient!" No. Really?

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