...Unnamed Teenaged Daughter's boudoir, where Unnamed Teenaged Daughter's about to log off of her IM when SHA 33 drops her a line. "Lanie? Is that you?" I guess she is indeed this "Lanie" person, because Unnamed Teenaged Daughter types "Mom?"by way of response instead of "um rong imu FREEK loljk ;)" "I asked you a question last night," "Mom" shoots back. "Have you thought about it?" "I don't know what you want," Lanie responds, and I'm thinking Lanie would be a welcome addition to the Television Without Pity forum boards, because she, unlike, oh, every single goddamned teenager with a fucking modem and computer in the entire world, employs proper capitalization, spelling, grammar, and punctuation throughout this exchange with her so-called mother. Well, she'd be a welcome addition until she started compulsively posting about what a knock-kneed crack-smoking whore that ungrateful soul-sucking bitch Katherine Heigl is, at which point we'd have to ban her insane ass, but she'd make a welcome addition while it lasted. Now where was I? Oh, yeah: "Mom" says, "I want to see you," and Lanie protests that she visited the cemetery as previously instructed, but "Mom" snots, "That's not what I mean." Lanie clearly understands where all of this is going, and after an uncomfortable pause, she types, "But I'm scared." "Don't be scared," "Mom" replies in the blink of an eye. "I'm right here with you." And with that, Lanie's monitor flashes and blacks out until it slowly fades back up with a live image of Lanie's shocked expression, as captured by the little webcam Lanie's affixed to the monitor's frame. DUN! And then? Lanie's dead mother -- in all of her funereal finery -- appears in the background of the image, slowly approaching from behind until she places a pallid-looking hand upon Lanie's left shoulder. Lanie jumps around in her seat, but of course, no one's there. She frantically pulls the plug on her computer and leaps away from the desk, but the satanic thing just reboots in DOS mode and starts danashulpsing, "COME TO ME COME TO ME COME TO ME COME TO ME COME TO ME COME TO ME" over and over and over again down the screen. Lanie weeps and shudders and gasps and cries and does not run screaming from the fucking room because everyone on tonight's episode is a fucking idiot until her ominous computer screen's gobbled up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!
Episode Report CardDemian: C- | 1822 USERS: B-
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