Supernatural

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Demian: A- | 2899 USERS: B+
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The Hardy Boys Raise a Little Hell

Back from the break, we're flung back into the past, as the location card whisks us on over to..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, the chapel of St. Mary's is positively painted crimson with the stuff as various broken and eviscerated nuns drip their freshly freed innards onto the marble floor, with Sister Mary Slapface herself draped most gruesomely indeed across the thoroughly desecrated altar. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" We are pleased with this turn of events? "Oh, we are, most certainly! It's so delightfully picturesque!" I'm happy you're happy, my scaly friend. Now, may I continue? "By all means!" Excellent. So, Father Ceiling Demon, having quite successfully made the appropriate sacrificial offering, eventually moves into the frame and kneels amid the blood and guts to plead with his still-absent father for some sort of revelation. Lucifer, with apparently immense amounts of effort, obliges him by reaching up from the depths of perdition to snatch tenuous possession of Sister Mary Slapface's corpse, and the dead nun gasps to something vaguely resembling life up there on the altar, but because Lucifer's so tightly confined below, he's able to manipulate little more than the corpse nun's vocal cords. Well, her vocal cords, along with that spasmodically twitching arm of hers. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "I'm here, my son," Lucifer rasps, completely ignoring Raoul's exuberance at his arrival. How rude. In any event, and long story short, demonically enhanced priest quickly gets to the point. "How do I bust you out?" Father Azazel asks. "Lilith," comes the expected reply. "But she's trapped neck-deep in the pit!" Father Azazel moans. "Lilith can break the seals," Lucifer emotionlessly insists, so Father Azazel's all, "Okay! Okay! How do I bust her out?" "You must find the child," Lucifer instructs. "The very special child." Father Azazel politely requests clarification as his eyes flip that sickly, marbled yellow of theirs. "What do you mean? What child?"

"You gotta be kidding me," Crazy Sammy sighs in the present, and did we all make that intuitive leap along with the camera? "We did! And I must say, it's quite thrilling indeed!" "Thrilling" is a good word for it, friend of friends, though I myself am inclined to use "awesome." More specifically, "fucking awesome." "Wheeeee!" That Azazel got his marching orders from Lucifer himself way back in 1972 to start searching for Darling Sammy and all of the latter's super-special mommy-free and -having brethren in 1973, thereby setting in motion the sequence of events that would break Lilith out of Hell 34 years later after destroying Our Intrepid Heroes' entire family while also forcing Dashing El Deano into that foolish deal he made with the sassy Crossroads Demonette, thereby ensuring Dean would break the first seal of The Apocalypse while The Stumpy Little Bow-Legged Lamb Of God was vacationing down below last summer? Again: Fucking awesome. Sure, there's probably a lot of what I believe the kids today call "retrocontivation" that'll be needed to knock all of the previous episodes' events into place within this fucking awesome reveal, but like I said above: It's just a goddamned TV show. "Correction! A-him! A fucking awesome TV show!" Raoul! Such language! And from one as delicate as you, as well! "Hee!" I'm shocked, I tell you! Shocked!

Supernatural

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