For her part, the chanting brunette unwraps a toothbrush atop her foul, witchy altar, hoists an athame into the air, and slices open a gouge in her right palm to start dripping globbets of blood all over the bristles. Meanwhile, Doomed Wife obliviously scours away at the inside of her mouth until..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" For yes, gentle reader, Doomed Wife is now fussing with one of her canines, which promptly pulls free from her gums with a sickeningly wet sucking sound and not a small amount of blood. "Oh, God!" breathes Doomed Wife, staring at the pulpy tooth now resting in the palm of her hand. "Just you wait, little missy!" Raoul shriekily taunts, pointing an overly excited (albeit perfectly manicured) claw at the television screen. "It gets worse!" I, meanwhile, have burrowed backwards into the sofa with both hands clapped firmly over my mouth in a ridiculous attempt to keep all of my teeth in their proper place, because -- and I'm not sure if you've figured this out yet -- this sort of mouth shit freaks me the fuck out. As the brunette continues to dribble blood on the bristles, Doomed Wife starts working her tongue around, then reaches in to pull out one of her molars, and I can't! Sorry! I can't watch this anymore! "But Demian, darling!" chides Raoul. "It's simply delightful!" You can delight your scaly way straight to Hell, Raoul, because I am not watching this anymore. "Your loss!" Raoul cheerfully shrieks just as an increasingly anguished Doomed Wife screams for her husband, "Paul," who arrives just in time to watch as the bathroom door slams shut and locks itself of its own accord. DUN! "Janet?" Paul bellows, immediately pounding against the wood, but it's of no use, for as the brunette ratchets up the Craptin, Doomed Janet suddenly clutches at both her stomach and her mouth before doubling over the sink to vomit tooth after blood-spattered tooth across the white porcelain. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Shut up, Raoul. "You hush up your own self!" Raoul shoots back. "After all, I'm not the pantywaisted little sissy cringing in terror over a bathroom sink absolutely brimming with rent mouthflesh!" I hate Raoul so much sometimes.
Episode Report CardDemian: C | 874 USERS: C+
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