Supernatural

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Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
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The Hardy Boys Vanquish The Charmed Ones

And because this scene wasn't BORING enough, Princess Sparkle arrives with the shocking -- shocking -- revelation that she, too, was once one of Demonic Piper's human minions, and she'd like to effect a reconciliation with her former dark demonic overlady, starting this instant! Generalized consternation erupts amongst the various onlookers WHO SHOULD ALL BE DEAD BY NOW as Ruby s-l-o-w-l-y picks her way across the floor to hike her secretly lesbionic tongue down Demonic Piper's equally secretly lesbionic throat. Well, they get pretty close, at any rate, much to Dean's heterosexually Neanderthal glee. And then? PSYCH!

Princess Sparkle was just fucking with everybody! Isn't she cute? She actually wanted to get that close to Demonic Piper so she could skewer her former dark demonic overlady with The Knife That Can Kill Anything And Actually Does! Aw. She's so sly and cunning. Unfortunately for her, Demonic Piper's got some wicked fast reflexes for a dipshit, and the whole thing quickly devolves into a hair-pulling chick fight of epic proportions. I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say that after the two ladies more or less destroy Halliwell Manor's heretofore tastefully appointed parlor, Demonic Piper's the one left standing. Also left standing? Paige. WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD TEN PARAGRAPHS AGO. God! Yep, as Demonic Piper continues to speechify instead of immolating every idiot in the room, Paige hustles over to the altar, dumps a bunch of hatpins out of a bowl, and sets to Craptinating. After a moment, Demonic Piper doubles over in agony, clutching at her stomach while vomiting out copious amounts of blood across the floorboards, eventually spitting out a fistful of hatpins as well. No, I don't know how that happened, and no, I'm not going to try to figure it out, because why? That's right: THIS SHOW BLOWS, AND I WANT TO DIE. Speaking of dying, guess who's not? Everyone in the room, because Demonic Piper's been so distracted that Sam and Dean come sliding off the walls while Princess Sparkle recovers sufficiently from her earlier injuries to become, once again, a viable threat. Probably. I mean, I'm pretty sure about that last bit. But, oh! Look at that! Demonic Piper finally buys a clue and telekinetically stops Paige's heart. About fucking time, you nitwit, but it's still too goddamned late, because while you were so busy squeezing the life out of a woman who should have been slaughtered three hours ago, Super-Smart El Deano's snatched up The Knife That Can Kill Anything And Actually Does and is now plunging it repeatedly into your back. Way to go, Demonic Piper. Way. To. Go.

And in the wreckage of what was once Halliwell Manor, Princess Sparkle orders Our Intrepid Heroes to flee, promising to clean up the mess herself. As Ruby bends to yank The Knife That Can Kill Anything And Actually Does from Demonic Piper's back, Our Intrepid Heroes scamper into the final METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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Supernatural

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