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Episode Report Card

Demian: C- | 1531 USERS: B-

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The Hardy Boys Experience Acute Renal Failure

By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2011.02.18

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The episode opens with a rather abrupt conclusion to last week's supposed cliffhanger -- long story short, Darling Sammy's totally fine, even though his episode-ending Hell-infused seizure seemed to last for about a week from his perspective -- and then we're off to Paterson, New Jersey, where a community college anatomy dummy decided to come to life one evening and off the night janitor with a scalpel to the neck. Of course, Our Intrepid Heroes initially have no idea that the dummy did it, so we must first follow along as Dashing El Deano sniffs out sulphur while Darling Sammy makes his trusty EMF reader go "VWEE-YORP!" for a bit until another hapless wage slave gets himself slaughtered by a mannequin in a nearby Passaic sweatshop. This time around, the boys are quick to realize that something's possessing inanimate objects to exact some sort of revenge, and after they discover that both victims worked at the sweatshop the same time a shy and socially awkward colleague went missing a year ago, they're pretty sure they're dealing with an old-fashioned haunting.

Sam masquerades as an FBI agent to extract a confession of sorts from yet another of the missing woman's former colleagues, and it turns out he and a bunch of his ratbag friends -- including the two guys who are now dead -- played a prank on the poor gal that accidentally resulted in her untimely demise. Afraid they'd end up in jail if they reported the incident to the police, the ratbags instead buried the woman's corpse in the woods, and Sam thinks he's solved the case when he salts and burns the woman's remains. Unfortunately, when his informant ends up strangled by a Real Doll, Sam's forced to hunt down anything the dead woman left behind, and is utterly confounded when he learns she donated a kidney to her sister. Our Intrepid Heroes bang their heads together in an attempt to reason their way through the rather unique moral conundrum this haunted kidney represents, but in the end, the issue ends up resolving itself when the ghost inadvertently impales her sister on a shard of glass after running the possessed Impala through a plate-glass window. Whoops.

In other news, Dreary El Deano stops by Indiana to visit Bendy Lisa and The Brat, and as I quite seriously do not remember one single word of the many, many conversations they had with each other over the course of the episode, we'll all have to wait for the recap proper to find out what they said. I'm pretty sure she dumped him again, though. Oh, well.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Once upon a time, there lived a magical orange yoga instructor named Bendy Lisa, who made her home in the faraway land of... wait a minute. Bendy Lisa? They're reminding us of Bendy Lisa? I thought she dumped Dean's emotionally abusive yet still-tantalizing ass, like, eight months ago, or something -- why are they bringing her back now? "Perhaps!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, who has an idea. "They intend to slaughter the unusually limber little creature this evening, hmmm?!" Oooh, good guess, Raoul. "Thanks!" But I'm afraid we've gotten horribly sidetracked already, and we're not even five seconds into tonight's episode. "Oh, my!" Oh, my, indeed. "Should we try starting this again!?" I'm game if you are. "Perfect!" Okay.

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Once upon a time, there lived a magical orange yoga instructor named Bendy Lisa, who made her home in the faraway land of Wherever The Hell Bendy Lisa Happens To Be At This Very Moment. As you'll no doubt recall, Bendy Lisa spent the better part of a year lovingly tending to Dreary El Deano's many psychic wounds in exchange for some high-quality cuddle time with Our Intrepid Hero until his abusive ass decided to smack her wee bastard of a son around one night, at which point she told him to hit the road. "And good for her!" shrieks Raoul. In other news, Capital-D Death shoved Slutty Sam's Hell-flayed soul back into his remarkably healthy frame while at the same time erecting what proved to be an especially shoddy wall between that soul and Darling Sammy's brain, or something like that, and when last we saw him, Darling Sammy had collapsed to the floor of an abandoned hovel, flailing about in the throes of a grand mal seizure as Death's shoddy wall collapsed to unleash all of the nasty memories it was meant to hold back. Whoops.

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! As the NOW! slowly melts away on the screen, Dreary El Deano can be heard crying out in the darkness. "Sam?" he quavers, tears in his voice. "Sam?" Wimp. The camera gradually fades up to find Dean hovering above Sam's unconscious form over in Last Week's Hovel. The good news? Sam's seizures seem to have passed. The bad news? Sam seems to be dead. "Woe!" Fret not, friend of friends, for Darling Sammy is only mostly dead, evidently. "Whew!" Yep, Dean wrestles his mostly dead brother up by the latter's lapels, screams directly into his face for a couple of minutes, and that's all it takes for Darling Sammy's eyes to snap open. A tiny bit of hellfire flickers across Sam's pupils as he loudly draws in a great, big, gulping gasp of air, so that's probably not a good sign, but other than that, The Ginormotron seems to be okay. "We gotta get you the hell outta here!" Dean growls, and with that, he hauls Sam to his feet and drags him out of the frame.