Supernatural
Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1199 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Keep Losin', When They Oughta Not Bet

Though I suppose I shouldn't complain, because the next scene does rise to a certain amount of awesomeness after its eye-rollingly tedious start. We've shot over to the "Lady Of Serenity Church," where the sign outside commands us to "BELIEVE IN GOD," for "HE WALKS AMONG US," and after we linger on the chapel's quaint façade for a moment, we head inside just in time to be harangued by the congregation's vociferously anti-gay minister. By the way he emphasizes the church's funeral pickets, we're obviously meant to associate him with a certain notorious Middle American preacher, but to be honest with you, this guy isn't nearly cadaverous enough to pass as the person in question. Well, you know. Not yet. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" God, Raoul, would you wait for it? Jesus! "Oh, I do apologize, I'm sure! But it seems like we've been waiting for years for a nice bit of bloodshed, does it not!?" Point to the dizzy lizard on the overstuffed armchair. "Hooray!" Now, would you let me get on with it so we can get this proselytizing dicksmack off my goddamned television set already? "By all means! Pray continue!" I see what you did there. "Hee!"

So anyway, the proselytizing dicksmack shouts about his hatred of The Gays (and Lady Gaga, which: Can't fault him there) for a lengthy period of time, ending his tirade with, "Someone has to speak for God!" On cue, My Godly Baboo materializes in the chapel aisle to challenge, "And who says you speak for God?" "You're wrong," Castiel states while the people in the pews pivot as one to stare at him. "I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation." "On the other hand," Castiel darkly continues, "I cannot abide hypocrites like you." Pastor Dicksmack attempts to interrupt, but My Godly Baboo growls him down with a menacing, "Tell your flock where your genitals have been before you speak for me." Pastor Dicksmack gags -- go figure -- but eventually manages to splutter, "And who the heck are you?" "I'm God," Castiel reveals, to the congregation's general consternation. One of the faithful even rises to his feet to deliver an almighty smackdown upon Castiel's blasphemous ass, but My Godly Baboo's got that whole almighty-smackdown thing covered, thank you very much, and he telekinetically slams the guy back into his seat with such a vengeance that the pew splinters beneath the guy's behind. "VIOLENCE!" howls Raoul, already writhing about atop his overstuffed armchair with anticipatory delight over what's to come. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT PEW-SPLINTERING VIOLENCE!" Dude. You're stretching it. "So are the darling little people responsible for this once-charming Friday-evening divertissement!" And that's another point to the dizzy lizard on the overstuffed armchair. "Hooray!"

Supernatural

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