The episode, shot in black and white, opens like an old time horror film, from the WB shield to the credits. It was a dark and stormy night -- no, really. Dean and Sam are on the road again, this time, on their way to Pennsylvania, discussing their latest case -- a dead victim with bite marks on her neck, her body drained of blood. And there's a witness, Ed Brewer, who swears the perpetrator was a vampire, but not just any old vampire -- Dracula.
The next day, the Winchesters visit the local Oktoberfest. Big pretzels, foamy beer, and beautiful St. Pauli Girls. Dean was in hell, but he's in heaven now. Heck, Sam even eats. Posing as G-Men Angus and Young, they meet up with the local law -- Sheriff Dietrich, who implies Ed Brewer has bats in his belfry. Not long after, a young man who is out necking with his sweetheart is killed by a werewolf, but not just any old werewolf -- Wolf Man. Next, a security guard at the local museum is killed by a mummy, but not just any old mummy -- okay, it is just any old mummy, but it got its sarcophagus from a prop house in Philly and brought its own dry ice for atmosphere.
Dean is trying to make time with a pretty bartender named Jamie, but she's busy with her friend Lucy (yeah, Lucy), the first night he asks her out. The second night, she's free, but he's late (still at the aforementioned museum). She decides not to wait any longer for Dean, and starts to walk home, when she is confronted by Dracula himself, who calls her Mina. He tells her he must have her and moves in, but Jamie douses his eyes with pepper spray (a resourceful woman who isn't Ellen -- on Supernatural!) and runs off and into Dean. Dracula confronts them again and he and Dean fight. Dean commands Jamie to run, and being smart as well as resourceful, she does. Drac and Dean scuffle some more, and as Drac moves in to suck Dean's blood, Dean pulls off Drac's medallion (also from a prop shop), and his ear (from his head)! Drac escapes Dean by hopping a fence Dean can't scale, and makes his escape on a Vespa, which causes me to make liberal use of the pause and rewind buttons on my DVR remote.
Sam catches up with Dean and Jamie at the bierhaus and they determine their monster is a shape shifter. Ed Brewer's their prime suspect. Sam goes off to the theatre where Ed works, while Dean stays behind to take care of Jamie if you know what I mean, and I think you do. They're interrupted by Lucy, who just came back for a bottle of booze. Jamie asks her to stay and have a drink with them, which just thrills Dean. She stays, and she slips them a mickey, too. As Jamie starts to lose consciousness, Dean catches on, realizes Lucy is the shape shifter and goes down fighting, but he goes down just the same -- although not in the way he'd hoped. Meanwhile, Sam walks in on Ed playing the Casio in his undies, and tries to pull of his ear, but it just won't come off. The less said, the better.
When Sam returns to the bierhaus, Dean and Jamie (and Lucy) are gone. Sam sees signs of a struggle, and a lipsticked napkin and realizes Lucy is the monster. Lucy's house is part regular old house, part Frankenstein's Castle/Dracula's Castle, and no I don't get it either, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that she has Dean strapped to a Frankensteiny table, and she's stripped him and redressed him in lederhosen! No. Really. By the by, Lucy's just another shape the shifter takes; now he's back to his Dracula form, and he's going to electrocute Dean when he's interrupted by a pizza delivery. I am not making this up. He forces Jamie to dress up in a gown, and then exposits about his sad life and love of movies and monsters to the point where Jamie figures out he's lonely, and the pizza's all cold. DracShifter seems to think loneliness is a valid reason for killing people. Silly shifter, you don't kill people when you're lonely; you kill them when they won't leave you alone. Hi, Raoul. Sam breaks in, finds Dean, calls him Hansel, laughs at his lederhosen, and releases him. Nice multi-tasking, Sammy!
Our intrepid heroes find DracShifter and struggle with him. He throws Sam through a fake wall and knocks Dean to the ground. It looks like all is lost, when Jamie recovers Sam's gun, and shoots the monster. He says, "Silver?" which is key, because that's what kills shifters, and turns to face his love as he takes his sweet time dying. "Twas Beauty that killed the Beast. No, Mina, do not weep." He staggers back a few steps and takes a seat. "Perhaps this is how the movie should end."
The next day, Dean kisses (and kisses and kisses) Jamie goodbye, as Sam stands around, awkwardly (longing for Ruby, perhaps). Dean says it feels good to be back on the job. "The hero gets the girl; the monster gets the gank. All in all? Happy ending -- with a happy ending, no less." But wait, Jamie killed the monster and Dean's the one with the hymen. Is he the girl, here? Wait, as Sam already knows Dean admits that if he could make his life into a movie, it would be Porky's II. He's all boy.
Next week, something happens that I can't even describe. Seriously, did you see that preview? What the heck was that? The recap will be out in a few days to tide you over. 'Til then, I bid you gud eeevening, gentle readers.
There is no then. There is no now. There's only old time movie magic, so don't furrow your brow. Don't adjust your sets. Don't touch that dial. Let go of your angst. Release that bile. Life was so easy in black and white. Wrong is evil and good is right. Pop your corn. Fill your drink. Walk to your couch and into it sink. Forget the myth arc. Suspend disbelief. Sit back for an hour of comic relief.
Suspenseful music swells and the old black and white WB crest appears on the screen. It takes me back to watching the Saturday "Creature Double Feature," on one of the local independent channels (one if which is now a CW affiliate). "WARNER BROS. PICTURES INC." is written across it, and I am eight-years-old and hoping my mother is too busy with housework to tell me the upcoming show is too scary for me. "Warner Bros. Presents SUPERNATURAL" appears across a shot of a cloudy and ominous sky. The credits -- which fit right in with the old time monster movie theme -- roll. Night falls, and a crescent moon shines on the mist rising from a wooded valley. Lightning flashes in the distance; a slick black car makes its way down (a beautifully shot) winding, wet road and past a sign reading: "Welcome to Pennsylvania." Lightning strikes again, and the sign reads: "Welcome to Transylvania" for just a second. Inside the car are two men -- their features look impossibly chiseled on black and white film. The driver says, "The radio around here sucks." Dean! Sam! Baby! I nearly forgot I was watching Supernatural. Sam reviews research materials by flashlight, as Dean sets up the story for us. "C'mon man. Jobs don't get much weirder than this, you know? Dead vic with a gnawed on neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire." Sam is distracted. "No, uh, I agree, it's a Hell of a case." Dean tries to spark his enthusiasm. Sam reminds Dean that the world is coming to an end, like that's something you forget. Dean reckons they can't save the world today, but they can chop off some vampires' heads. He's excited for an old-fashioned monster hunt. "It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straight-forward, black and white case." Ouch, and so say we all. The shot fades old-style -- a circle gets smaller and smaller until the screen is completely black.
Daytime: the Winchesters arrive at Oktoberfest. There are tourists, food, band music, pretty waitresses in St. Pauli Girl-style uniforms and our Winchesters. The boys look like movie stars in Hollywood's heyday, in their best (and only) suits and ties, except Sam needs a haircut. Don't they ever pass by a barber shop? They must; Dean's hair is close cropped. He tells Sam they've still got to see the new Raiders movie. Sam's already seen it. Dean is offended. "Without me?" Sam says, "You were in Hell." Dean says, "That's no excuse." I'm sure he went to the film looking for a way to get you out, Deano. Dean rushes off to get them each a big pretzel, and a beautiful blonde woman sashays by, wearing a dirndl with the skirt up to there and the neckline down to there. She says, "Guten tag." The boys can't help but stare, and Dean says, "Guten tag, yourself." They spot the local sheriff who's talking to someone who looks like Eddie Munster at first glance, but we never see him again. They introduce themselves to Sheriff Dietrich as FBI Agents Angus and Young. Someday that nonsense is going to get them caught, but not in our fabulous monster movie!