Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 3 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Do The Monster Mash

That night, the fog rolls in, as the sky crackles and booms with another electrical storm. At the Canonsburg Museum of American History, a security guard is killed before our eyes, by a mummy (not a zombie, but they're sort of similar, right?), which rises straight up, old-school, from a sarcophagus that had been left on the loading dock. Dean and Sam gain access to the crime scene and determine that the sarcophagus is decidedly modern, since it came from a Philly prop house -- which is probably where the bucket of dry ice came from, too. Sam says, "Is he making his own special effects?" Dean says it's a mummy with a sense of showmanship. Sam can't make it all compute. "This is...stupid!" Dean remembers he's late for his date with Jamie. Since Sam says he's good there alone with the mummy and the crazy, Dean ditches him.

Outside the bierhaus -- that is The Bavarian Beerhaus (sic) Tavern, Jamie waits for Dean. Growing impatient, she checks her watch and says, "Your loss, G-Man," and starts to walk home. On her way, she hears flapping wings. I didn't think Castiel was in this episode. Oh and he's not. Jamie turns around to see Dracula himself. He says, "Gud eeevening," and she runs off. You can't really run away from Dracula. He catches up, as is his wont, and says, "I have watched you many nights, from afar. My passion knows no bounds." A little rectangle of light lights Drac's eyes brighter than the rest of his face. It's a perfect callback to the style of old horror movies. Jamie fumbles in her purse as Dracula tells her she is the reincarnation of his beloved and he must have her. Jamie douses Drac's eyes with pepper spray, and he drops the accent to exclaim, "Mary...son of a...." Jamie has run off, so he follows. Luckily for Jamie, she runs straight into Dean's arms. Dean turns to see Dracula and says, "Son of a bitch." Dracula chastises him for using such language in the presence of his bride. Dean patronizes him, then he punches him. During their struggle, Drac's fangs come out and he pins Dean to the wall. Dean yells at Jamie to run, so she does, because she's smart. I want to keep her. Dracula tells Dean, "You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker. Mina is mine. He moves in to suck Dean's blood, but Dean pulls off Drac's medallion, and then his ear! Friends, Romans, Romanians, lend me your ear. Drac flees from Dean by hopping a fence Dean can't scale, and makes his escape on a Vespa. Once he's off screen, we hear the little "beep beep" of the scooter's horn, that hasn't stopped being funny yet. Fade to black. Wait. Now there's a curtain backdrop on the screen, and the word Intermission is superimposed on it, in fancy script and we're treated to cheesy intermission-type music. The grace notes in this production are abundant. It's a beautiful love letter to the genre.

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