Because Bobby's still being an obstreperous pain in the ass over the loss of Rufus at the end of the last episode, Our Intrepid Heroes decide to motor off to Chester, Pennsylvania, to investigate a series of mysteriously inventive and highly gruesome deaths that have afflicted a single family in the area as of late. Finding nothing untoward in the family's history to indicate such unpleasantries as blood curses or demonic feuds, the boys ring up Bobby's wife, Ellen -- let me repeat that: Bobby's wife, Ellen -- for an assist, and after she reveals that a similar spate of misfortunes has befallen a different family on the West Coast, Ellen tells Sam and Dean that everyone involved had but one thing in common: All of their ancestors arrived in the United States in 1912. Aboard the Titanic. DUN!
Of course, neither Sam nor Dean has ever heard of the Titanic because, aside from a near miss with an iceberg on its maiden voyage, the Titanic was just one of dozens of passenger liners assigned to the North Atlantic route a hundred years ago. Nevertheless, Sam deploys his mad Googling skillz and discovers the ship avoided the iceberg thanks to a certain first mate named I. P. Freely, whom a photo reveals to have been none other than erstwhile archangel Balthazar, and when the boys summon the erstwhile archangel in question for a consult, Balthazar reveals he leapt back in time to save the Titanic because he hated the movie. Brilliant.
Naturally, Balthazar's actions in the past initiated a ripple effect through subsequent events and, as a result, both Ellen and Jo are alive and well, though the other particulars of last season's abortive Apocalypse remain much the same. The problem is that there are now approximately 50,000 people roaming around who should never have been born in the first place, and that's pissed off Atropos -- of the Greek Fates fame, natch -- so she's strapped her bitch on to go all Final Destination on those peoples' unsuspecting asses, and when Sam and Dean attempt to intervene, she sets her sights on them. Dun-dun-DUN!
My Sweet Baboo eventually steps in to tell Atropos to buzz off, and during the lengthy conversation that follows, we learn that Balthazar actually "un-sank" the Titanic on Castiel's orders, because My Sweet Baboo wanted a few thousand extra human souls to help out in his war against Raphael. And because that explanation for this evening's events is far less entertaining than Balthazar's hatred of Celine Dion, we'll be pretending we never heard it.
And in the end, Balthazar goes back in time -- again, some more -- to re-sink the Titanic, in the process setting everything back to where it had been in the first place. Hey, can't they just resurrect Ellen and keep her around for the rest of the series, anyway? Huh?
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! A very long time ago, Our Intrepid Heroes had the great good fortune to meet up with the lovely and talented Ellen Harvelle and her equally lovely and talented daughter, Jo. Unfortunately, Ellen and Jo then had to blow themselves up so Dashing El Deano and Darling Sammy could continue to fight Lucifer and all his many minions during last season's abortive Apocalypse. "Woe!" wails Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, gracefully placing the back of a deeply mournful yet impeccably manicured paw against his forlorn forehead at the sad memory -- as well he should -- and while I'm sure you know I couldn't possibly agree with you more, my scaly friend, would you mind not interrupting me during the THEN!? I've a feeling we've a lot of ground to cover this evening, and it might be for the best if we get through this part of the episode as quickly as possible. "Oh, I do apologize, I'm sure!" Raoul shrieks, chipperly agreeable as always. "Please do continue!" Thanks.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes: So, after Ellen and Jo selflessly sacrificed themselves only to have the abortive Apocalypse fall apart of its own accord anyway, My Sweet Baboo and Balthazar -- Castiel's bestest friend ever, you'll recall, until Dashing El Deano came bow-leggedly stompy-clomping into his life -- had this huge, screamy argument about the civil war now raging in Heaven, during which Belthazor reminded My Sweet Baboo that the latter went far beyond rebellion last season and in fact "tore up the whole script and burned the pages" for everyone involved. So, you know. There's that. Also, were you aware that human souls held uncommon value? Well, you are now, and just in time to watch once more as Rufus Turner gives up his during the last episode to air thus far this season. "Woe!" Knock it off, Raoul. "Ooops! Hee!" ANY-way, the THEN! ends with Sad Bobby once again pouring out some Johnnie Walker Blue for his freshly deceased homie, and with that, we're off to the...
...Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! As the NOW! advances towards us from the inky depths of the television screen, the camera slowly fades up on a rain-dampened set of garage doors the just-appearing location card tells us is in "Chester, Pennsylvania." One of those garage doors presently trundles up, and a casually dressed gentleman props it open with a stick before snatching up his nearby beer to saunter back inside towards a workbench. This evening's first piece of Monster Chow then sets the beer down beside a dismembered lawnmower rotor so he might bang away at one of the thing's bent blades for a while, but when our imperiled guest reaches over to grab the bottle for a swig, the beer quite mysteriously has gone missing. DUN! "What heartless wretch would steal that poor man's booze?!" shrieks Raoul, understandably distressed, and just between you and me, doll, I'm pretty sure we'll be getting an answer to your perfectly reasonable question sooner rather than later. "Well!" Raoul shrieks again, moderately mollified. "Thank heavens for that!" I'm also pretty sure that "sooner" will be getting here a hell of a lot faster if you don't keep interrupting me every three sentences. "I do believe you're right!" Raoul shriekingly agrees, surprisingly enough. "I shall be as silent as the grave!" Promise? "Promise!" Excellent.