And we're back, and long story short, Uriel's a rogue angel, and quite possibly has been all season, doing his best to subvert and undermine Castiel's plans for Dean since first we saw him, and it was he who slaughtered the seven of the garrison, and it was he who undid the devil's trap to free Alastair, who was then supposed to kill Our Intrepid Hero, so Lucifer could rise and wipe the entire wretched human race from the face of creation. You know. More or less. It all has to do with that ancient legend of the angels' fall in which Lucifer's primary transgression was his refusal to bow before humanity, because after several thousand years of bowing before humanity, Uriel's come to believe Lucifer was right all along, and he's therefore been actively working for Lucifer's release from Hell. To that end, he's been surreptitiously recruiting others from his garrison, and those who refused to follow him have been slaughtered. And why, I hear you ask, was it necessary for Alastair to kill Dean? That full answer comes later, and for now, all you have to worry about is the fact that My Sweet Baboo might be taking that sword through his neck in the next couple of minutes.
Or, you know, not, as it turns out, because after the two spend three minutes of airtime debating the legend I detailed in a couple of sentences above, they start kicking each other's ass, and while My Sweet Baboo sucks at the hand-to-hand almost as much as Darling Sammy does, there's never any real doubt that Castiel will emerge from this bout of angelic fisticuffs victorious, because Misha Collins has been contracted through the fifth season, and Robert Wisdom has not. Though I must say, the end of the fight has some quite awesome bits of dialogue. After Uriel's beaten Castiel to the ground with a crowbar -- "VIOLENCE! WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT VIOLENCE!" Oh, my apologies, Raoul. I almost forgot about you here. "Not a problem! That endless debate was enough to put me to sleep as well!" -- a woozy and dazed Castiel calmly asserts from his knees, "You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God." "You haven't even met the man!" Uriel howls. "There is no Will!" he shouts, smacking Castiel clean across the face. "There is no Wrath!" Whammo! "There is. No. GOD!" And just as he's about to thwack my sweet Castiel once more in the face, Anna shoots in from behind with the sword, which she drives straight through Uriel's neck. "Maybe," she hisses into Uriel's ear in answer to his final assertion, "maybe not, but there's still me!" With that, she rips the sword out, and... "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, bleeding freely from the gaping wound at the base of his neck, Uriel drops like a sack of dead angels until he ends up on his back on The Abattoir floor, and then? The angel within the possessed body basically goes nuclear, erupting upwards and outwards to destroy all artificial forms of light within and nearby the slaughterhouse as it shoots skywards towards wherever the hell it is angels go when they die. And in the end, the camera lifts itself high above the scene to take in the scorch marks left behind from the immolation of a pair of twenty-five-foot-long wings -- again, beautiful image there -- before Castiel and Anna vanish into the final commercial break most regrettably CHOMP!-less.