Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Go Where Angels Fear to Tread

...some more with the fucking holy water. AUAAUAUAUUUAAAAUUUUGH. Uncle Arthur executes a perfect little sarcastic spit take, and he's about to reveal something truly awful (and something that'll finally make these endless scenes at least partially worth our while) when Dean dumps a load of salt into a funnel and shoves that funnel down Uncle Arthur's worthless goddamned throat! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Out on the highway from Cheyenne, The Corpse Sucker speeds through the night, and as he intently eyes the road in front of him, the black of his pupils slowly expands to obscure the irises of his eyes. DUN!

Abattoir, and... "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Raoul! You'll shout yourself hoarse again. "I can't help it! That obnoxious little man is quite literally foaming at the mouth! With GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! What am I to do otherwise?! It's in my nature!" Well, okay, but it's a good thing we still have all of that brandy left over, because I'm thinking you'll be needing a hot toddy of your own before this evening's out. "Oh, you are kind!" Whatever. Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Uncle Arthur is, indeed, foaming at the mouth with bits of what once had been his host body's throat, and we finally -- finally -- get to the great big reveal of these interminable torture scenes, which is this: Dean himself broke the first of Lilith's sixty-six seals when he agreed to torture others down in Hell. I know! It's pretty immense, don't you think? Dean Winchester, Author Of The Apocalypse? Pity it took us so fucking long to get to it and thanks for nothing, UNCLE ARTHUR. In any event, Dean of course thinks Alastair's lying to him, but Uncle Arthur counters by reciting the original prophecy from memory: "And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell -- as he breaks, so shall it break." Does that deserve an extra-special DUN!? "Oh, do be a dear and throw them a bone!" As you wish, Raoul. Dun-dun-DUN!

And oh, what a study in misery is poor Dean's face once he begins to let it all sink in. Those great, big, luxuriously lashed doe eyes well up with tears, and that cleft chin starts to quiver, and it would be very difficult to endure indeed were it not at this moment that the constant drip-drip-dripping of the pipe finally breaks through Castiel's supposedly impenetrable devil's trap, thereby freeing Alastair, who wastes not a moment to snarl and sneer over his apparent triumph right before he decks Destroyed El Deano directly into the METAL TEETH CHOMP! "VIOLENCE! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

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Supernatural

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