Supernatural
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 12 USERS: A+
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Get Your Kicks On Route 666

Cut to the interior of a diner, where Sam and Dean pump mournful Goth Chick Amy and her equally mournful Goth Chick Friend for information. It's nothing we haven't heard or seen before, but in the middle of it all, Sam takes time to compliment Goth Chick Amy on her necklace, which happens to be a pentagram Troybert gave her "mostly to scare [her] parents with all that Devil stuff." Sam smiles gently and explains that, actually, "a pentagram is protection against evil -- really powerful, if you believe in that kind of thing." I should know that after seven seasons of Charmed. And yet I don't, because Charmed sucks ass. Dean cuts through the mystical bullshit and levels with the ladies: Troybert's manner of disappearance too closely matches that of numerous other missing men. Is there anything at all the ladies might have heard? The question clearly unnerves Amy, who still has hopes of seeing her boyfriend again, so it's left to Goth Chick Friend to provide the relevant backstory. There's a "local legend," you see, involving "this one girl [who] got murdered out on Centennial, like, decades ago." "Supposedly," Goth Chick Friend continues, "she's still out there. She hitchhikes, and whoever picks her up? Well, they disappear forever." I'm not up on my urban legends at all (I know. I suck), so I didn't immediately realize what they were ripping off for tonight's plot. Errr. I meant "paying homage to" for tonight's plot. Yeah. That's it. But more on that later, for right now we have to follow Sam and Dean over to...

...the public library in Los Angele...uh. Jericho. They're digging into the Herald's online archives for information on any women murdered on Centennial Highway and having absolutely no luck at all until Sam remembers that "angry spirits are born out of a violent death." Dean is all, "...and your point is?" "So maybe it's not murder," Sam duhs. He adjusts the search criteria to include suicides, and they snag a match. In order to spare you the clunky expository dialogue, I'll give you the facts as I can read them on the screen: On April 24, 1981, "Constance Welch, 24, of 4636 Breckinridge Road, leapt off Sylvania Bridge, at mile 33 of Centennial highway, and subsequently drowned." All that is [sic], by the way. Basically, she found her kids dead in the bathtub, freaked, threw herself in the river, and left behind her distraught husband, Joseph, who begged for privacy in that, his hour of yada yada yada. The boys realize Troybert's bridge is the same as the one in the photo attached to the article, and I gotta say, it's awfully convenient for a small-town newspaper with a circulation of 18,650 to maintain so thorough a set of online archives, don't you think? And while I'm nitpicking the digitized props, I should also note that the article's URL includes "Archive/04-25-1971/," so, you know, another fuck up. Please don't hate on me, David Nutter. You simply have to understand that in this day and age, you can't launch a genre show without paying meticulous attention to such details. If you'd pulled something like this on, say, Enterprise, those Trekkies would have had your ass for lunch. Just sayin'.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: Night has fallen in the time it took Sam and Dean to head from the library back to Sylvania Bridge. They've parked the Impala at one end and have headed to the center to contemplate the rushing water below while mulling over Constance's possible connection to their father's disappearance. There follows a lengthy -- lengthy -- dialogue wherein Dean basically calls Sam a pussy again for wanting a normal life with a normal girlfriend, and it's all so terribly boring, so I've decided to perk things up a bit by quoting the following slice of dialogue in its entirety. And entirely out of context, of course.

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Supernatural

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