Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 5 USERS: A+
The Secret of the Island Treasure

Emporium Parlor. Castiel stands guard over a slumbering Adam. Wimpy Sam arrives from his latest overwrought slapfight with his brother still wiping the girly tears from his eyes, and Speed Racer rolls on over to,, be honest with you, I have no idea what Bobby does during the scene that follows, because I'm staring at Jared Padalecki's hair, and it looks like this. I know I said somewhere on the forum boards that, with Adam around, Sam's liable to turn into the Jan Brady of the Winchester clan, but given the hateful direction his coif's been headed this entire season, I'm starting to think he's the Carol. "Oh, Dean, no! Oh, Dean, why? Oh, Dean, how?"

Basement. Castiel's apparently been assigned guard duty down at the panic room, but just when he arrives at the door, a loud crashing noise erupts from inside. My Sweet Baboo scampers over to investigate, slamming open the peephole once he's slammed himself into the door's rusty iron, but all he can see is one ominously overturned armchair. Castiel shouts Dean's name a couple of times and, receiving no answer, forces himself into the panic room, where he finds Dean...hiding behind a cabinet door! A cabinet door featuring Stupid Anna's mystical Angel-B-Gon, which Desperate El Deano painted with his own blood! DUN! Dean slaps his palm onto the sigil, and Castiel blows back into oblivion just like we all wish Justin Bieber would do already, for Christ's sweet sake. Fortunately, Castiel will be back. Unfortunately, Justin Bieber will likely never go away, ever. And with Castiel thus temporarily gone, Dean tippy-toes from his erstwhile prison to swipe one of Bobby's basement jackets and steal away into the next METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Emporium. Aftermath. A panicky Sam swings by the parlor to inform Bobby of Dean's disappearance, and orders Bobby to keep close watch on Adam while Sam runs off in search of his legitimate brother. "How?" Bobby protests. "You might have noticed he's got a slight height advantage!" "Then cuff him to your chair!" Sam snaps back. Kinky. With that, Sam disappears through the front door, leaving Bobby to pivot and gaze at the slumbering little bastard, who's currently dreaming of...

...nondescript suburban playlots. One particular nondescript suburban playlot, actually, this in Windom, Minnesota -- where, as you'll recall, Marvelous Master Milligan grew up. Adam sits on a bench off to one side, smiling wistfully at the memory his subconscious has managed to dredge up for him, and he jumps a little bit when Zachariah unexpectedly materializes to note, "Your mom's not coming, you know." "Not yet," Zachariah adds, "but she will. Soon." Adam, who apparently had never been formally introduced to his primary angelic handler, correctly guesses Zachariah's identity, and seems a bit abashed when Zachariah immediately chides him for tarrying at The Emporium with his untrustworthy half-brothers who, according to Zachariah, are "psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other." No, I don't know what "erotically codependent" means, so leave me the hell alone. I'm just transcribing, here. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Shut up, Raoul. In any event, Adam mildly absorbs Zachariah's mini-rant, pauses a bit to consider the angel's decidedly quirky POV regarding his half-brothers' relationship, then replies, "I don't know, they said a few things about you." For a moment, Zachariah looks like he's about to slap the sass clean off Adam's face -- well, actually, he'd probably just slap Adam's face clean off his skull, if given the chance -- but he successfully suppresses the urge to instead inveigh once more against the primary Winchesters like so: "Trust me, kid, when the heat gets hot, they're not gonna give a flying crap about you. Hell, they'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet!" Adam still looks deeply conflicted, so Zachariah leans in close to hiss, "They're not your family, understand?" Adam doesn't reply, but something in his attitude clearly shifts in Zachariah's favor, so Zachariah allows himself a bit of joviality as he concludes the dreamtime encounter with a hearty slap on Adam's knee and a cheery, "So! Wanna see your mom again or not?"

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