Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys and the Art of Getting Laid

Back at the motel, Sarah rushes into the boys room bitching at them because she just went to the police and lied that she was alone when she found Evelyn. She threatens to go to the police again if the boys don't tell her what is going on. Sam reminds her that she saw the painting move, but she doesn't want to acknowledge it. Sam tells her that it sounds crazy, but they think the painting is haunted. P.S.: Sarah is wearing awesome "Day After Traumatic Event" thick double braids. You know, pretty much how we all look when going through a rough patch in life. Beautiful, but casual and just a tiny bit unhinged. Sarah seems to go through a few stages of disbelief before taking a deep breath and saying, "Okay, you're not joking. God, the guys I go out with." Seriously. Have you noticed the one sitting immediately to the right of Sam? Sam walks her through it, the Telescas, Evelyn, the others. Sassy & Modern tells them she's coming with them, cutting short Sam's protests that he doesn't want her to get hurt by declaring that she had a hand in this by selling the painting, and she's not going to run and hide from it now. She walks over to the door, opens it, and shrugs back at the boys, who are now looking comparatively lame. "So, we going or what?" Dean looks on in approval: "Sam? Marry that girl."

Evelyn's house. Sam picks the lock while Sarah worries over breaking into a crime scene. Once inside the house, Sam takes the painting down and he and Dean peer very closely at it. Sarah is worried it might kill them right now, but Sam tells her it seems like the painting likes blood only at night. Dean notices that in the photocopy of the painting from the library, the razor is closed, but in the real-life painting it's open. Then Sam notices that the painting inside the painting has changed in the real-life canvas to show a crypt or mausoleum. Dean then grabs an ashtray to use as a magnifying glass to inspect the painting within a painting. Whatever, Richard Dean Anderson. He sees that the crypt bears the name "Merchant" on it. Yes, this was certainly a detail of the crypt no one would have seen coming.

In a cemetery, the boys and Sarah walk around expositing that this is the third one they've checked. Sarah asks, "So this is what you guys do for a living?" and Sam clarifies: "We don't get paid." Dean spots the crypt, and we cut to them busting inside it. It's your standard-issue crypt -- cobwebs, urns, dolls encased behind dusty glass. Sarah remarks on the last: "That is the creepiest thing I've ever seen." Creepier than that extreme close-up of Steven Tyler I linked to before? Sam blabs about how it used to be tradition to put a child's favorite toy behind glass and put it in the crypt with the kid. Der dee der! DUDE, WHERE'S YOUR GAME? Dean asks if anyone notices anything strange; Sarah swats that ball out of the park by asking where she should start, since she is standing in some bizarre old crypt. Turns out that there are only four urns in there, for the mom and three kids, but none for Barber Dad.

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