Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys and the Art of Getting Laid

After a cutely simultaneous "Huh" at the room, Dean returns to the case at hand, asking Sam what the hell he was talking about with all that "providence" stuff. Sam corrects his brother and explains that "provenance" is a "certificate of origin," and that they can use it to find out if any of the pieces in the Telesca house have an odd story behind them. Now, you know I am not one to belabor this whole "investigation" process, but I'm not sure they fully explained how the boys concluded that whatever happened to the couple is connected to the objects they had in their house. They seem pretty certain in this scene, is all I'm saying, and I don't know how they got that way. Dean thinks they can get this information from Sarah; Sam snarks that maybe Dean can get her to write it all down on a cocktail napkin. Dean is like, "Hold on, there, Ganymede, it's not my pants she wants to get in." Sam scoffs at Dean for wanting him to use Sarah; Dean tells him to "take one for the team" (begging, of course, the question of which team, exactly), holds out a cell phone to Sam, and we...

…cut to a fancy restaurant, where Sam and Sarah are on a date of sorts. And, like I mentioned in the recaplet, she is wearing the most incredible lipstick in this scene that I find it kind of distracting. It is the perfect shade of pink. Given that I am the hugest lipstick dork, getting it on my front teeth within five seconds of putting it on (every. single. time.) (no, really, even for my senior year photo), and so cannot really ever wear it, the perfection is rather painful. Sarah remarks that Sam seemed hesitant to ask her on a date, and he tells her that he hasn't been on a date in a while. She responds that she hasn't either, and Sam is surprised, but can't say anything further because the waiter comes by and drops a huge wine list on his lap. I've clearly been living a blue-stater life because in my world, the ladies get the wine list, probably because wait staff realize we're all married to baby-men who've gotten real used to all this feminism stuff and are now too busy buying product to change the goddamned oil in the car.

Sam is pretty awkward with the wine list, clearing his throat and sweating bullets while the waiter hovers over him, until Sarah jumps in and says, "I don't know about Romeo here, but I'll have a beer." Hooray for beer-drinking chicks. You know, the ones who love beer and football and rubbing men's feet and sexily caressing their own D-cup breasts? Those chicks are so ROCK, man. Oh, why must I be so cynical. It really is cute how she helps Sam out there, and she just may thaw my cold heart, just as she will Sam's. Their date continues as they talk about how Sarah got into the auction business (she was a terrible artist) and why Sam bailed on law school (long story) and why neither of them have been on any dates recently. Sarah's mother died suddenly a year ago, which sent her into "a nice, warm, safe shell" (is that like "a nice, warm, bedroom"?). Sarah does some quality looking off into the middle distance, accompanied by emotionally compelling heaving of the breasts, before snapping out of it and asking Sam what his deal is. She jokes, "You're a reasonably attractive guy. Why haven't you been out and about?" The close-ups in this scene, while rocketing Taylor Cole to the top of the Sassy Girl Able to Handle More Than Two Lines pile, are not being kind to Jared Padelecki. He looks, bizarrely, like a cross between E.T., Joan Rivers, and Steven Tyler (though, between you and me, I've always thought that Joan Rivers and Steven Tyler were like yin and yang versions of one another -- night and day, if you will. Seriously, check it out). Sam does some jaw-clenching in response to Sarah's question and she realizes that it's just another "long story" that he'll maybe tell her some other time.

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