Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys and the Art of Getting Laid

Outside, the boys get into the Metallicar, and Sam is annoyed: "I don't get it, Dean, we burned the damn thing." Dean tells Sam to snap out of it -- "Thank you Captain Obvious" -- and asks if Sam has any ideas for another way to get rid of it for good. Sam says all the lore about haunted paintings says that the subjects are the ones doing the haunting. Dean sums it up, "So we need to know everything about that creepy-ass family," and I cheer that they dispensed with this investigatory hypothesizing so quickly.

Cut to a library, where a helpful librarian thumps a number of dusty old leather-bound books onto a table, telling the brothers that he dug up every piece of information on the Isaiah Merchant family he could find. The librarian asks if they are "crime buffs," and Dean warily answers that they wonder why he's asking. The librarian then holds up the cover of an edition of The New Paltz Standard, with headlines about the Titanic sinking and a sidebar crowing, "Father Slaughters Family, Kills Self." So the story goes, the old barber slit the throats of everyone in his family and then himself. Sam wonders why he did it, and super-enthusiastic LibrarianMan practically shits a brick at someone actually needing his help now that his life's work has pretty much been outsourced to Google: "Well let's see here!" He goes on, excitedly recapping the murders, saying that Isaiah was stern and controlling, and that the rumor was that the wife was going to leave him and take the kids (two boys and an adopted daughter) so "he gave them all a shave! Kccchh!" and he drags his finger along his throat to indicate slicing. Dean flashes an insincere smile at the guy, which annoys me, because what demon hunter could fail to be charmed by this librarian's excitement over old-timey murders? Dean asks what happened to the bodies and is told that they were all cremated. This is disappointing news for boys looking to burn bones. The librarian finally shows them a copy of the painting from a book, in which the barber looks straight out at the viewer, rather than to the side as we've seen before. Sam and Dean exchange glances and then ask for a copy of the image.

Back at the auction house, the painting gets loaded into a crate while Daniel Blake looks on. Sarah comes up and reminds him that he promised not to sell the painting. He tells her that "Evelyn has offered a persuasive amount of money." The painting, in which the barber looks to the side, gets sealed inside the crate.

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