Sea Pines Maritime Museum, Established 1892. Well, that's what I think the sign says, at any rate, because I'm too busy sitting here aghast at the sweepingly romantic, Affair To Remember-style strings now assaulting my ears from the soundtrack as a blood-red Rolls Royce arrives at the museum's main door to offload its cargo of well-heeled passengers to be sure. I mean, yeah, I get that they're riffing on the opening sequence of -- wait for it -- Ghost Ship with this musical cue, but unless every single one of the elegantly attired patrons at this evening's lavish affair ends up gruesomely bisected by a razor-sharp length of ship's cable, I don't know why they bothered to go there. ANY-way, Dean enters with Posh Bela on his arm -- or maybe it's the other way around -- and after a massively irritating "comedic" bit in which Sloppy El Deano sticks a wad of gum onto the underside of the champagne fountain in the museum's foyer in full view of the security guards hired for this evening's benefit, the two pass into the main reception hall just as Darling Sammy arrives with his date for the soiree, Good Ol' Gertie from the top of the hour. I smell hijinks, and they smell like shit. Ellen Geer needs to fire her agent, like, yesterday. Though I suppose I should take advantage of Geer's presence on the screen at this point to congratulate Drunken Bee on this much-belated shout-out. Drunken Bee began the whole "Hardy Boys" thing on the show's index page, don't you know, and The Kripkeeper's finally rewarded her by giving us all Aunt Gertrude. Of course, in The Kripkeeper's version of The Hardy Boys, Aunt Gertrude's a randy old broad who can't keep her hands off Joe. I think Kripke has Issues.
Anyway, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: This entirely contrived and insulting sequence. See, Posh Bela's plan was not simply to break in to the maritime museum under cover of darkness and swipe The Hand Of Glory from its display case, because that would be too easy. No, she'd rather pimp Darling Sammy out to Randy Aunt Gertrude for the night in order to finagle a couple of invitations to the heavily attended and guarded benefit, then feign illness so she and Dean might somehow gain guard-escorted access to the museum's second floor, where they will then somehow elude the guard who escorted them upstairs in the first place to swipe The Hand Of Glory from its display case, thereby unnecessarily risking immediate and otherwise entirely avoidable arrest for Our Intrepid Heroes and stupid Posh Bela, who will all proceed to spend the next seventy-five years of their justifiably miserable and worthless lives in jail. This show. This stupid stupid fucking awful evil show.