Rock and a Hard Place

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: N/A | 336 USERS: C
The Hardy Boys are Terrible Virgins

After the meeting, Dean pulls Sam aside. "Hey, does she look familiar to you?" He nods over at Suzy. "I swear I know her from somewhere." Without waiting for an answer, he heads over to hit on Suzy. Bonnie taps Sam on the shoulder. Standing next to each other, they look like the biggest and smallest dolls in a Matryoshka set. "So how did you like the meeting?" she asks. "Oh, I loved it," Sam says, then adds, "But I couldn't help but think of those who weren't here." Bonnie clasps her prim little hands together and sighs, "Oh, Honor! She's my favorite." Her lookalike overhears this and is positively incensed. Bonnie would go on, but she has to stop the group's one fat member from sublimating her sexual feelings with food, because that's what fat people do. Right, Show? Sigh.

This leaves Sam to talk with the lookalike, who's still fuming over Bonnie's favoritism. "She has no idea what kind of girl Honor is," she hisses. "You don't say," Sam says. "Tammy, right? The poet?" She's so pleased to be addressed this way that she practically explodes with rainbows and kittens.

Across the meeting hall, Dean is being super cheesy with Suzy. "Are you sure we don't know each other?" he asks. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we've never met," she says. She offers him some one-on-one counseling, seeing as how he's new to the chastity thing. She's not being remotely flirtatious, but Dean seems to take it that way. When she offers to bring him some self-help books from her apartment, he invites himself along. To protect her from the mysterious kidnappers, of course. He excuses himself to go brag to Sam, who is still getting the dirt from Tammy. Her worst allegation against Honor so far is that she brings store-bought cookies to the bake sale, which isn't exactly the kind of info Sam was hoping for. "Guess who's taking the teacher home?" Dean asks with a lecherous laugh. Sam scoffs. "You really thing you're gonna hit that? She's the chastity counselor." That just makes Dean hornier, because what's sexier than the prospect of completely disregarding a woman's beliefs?

While Dean is busy being a sleaze ball, Sam goes back to their motel room. Jody has been doing research in the interim. "How was church?" she asks. Sam laughs. "Well, it turns out two of our vics -- Honor and Pastor Fred -- were doing the dirty." And yet Tammy led with the cookie story. "They weren't the only ones," Jody says. She talked to the mom of one of the other victims, who said she heard her daughter and fiancé in the bedroom. "She heard sex noises, then crying, and then Neal telling Barb it didn't count because it was under 30 seconds." Two hours later, she heard the window breaking and saw a flash of blue light. Jody says it doesn't seem their perpetrator is going after virgins, but those who break their vows of chastity. "So dragons are off the list," Sam says. Jody's mind boggles. "Dragons are a thing?" The Winchesters should send a yearly newsletter to their compatriots, like when people send out Christmas cards with a summary of everything that happened to them, except instead of talking about little Joey's graduation they'd talk about the assorted monsters they encountered and how to kill them.

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