Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | 74 USERS: A
Deviled Red Herring

Back at the church, Abaddon is still testing out her newly reattached hand by beating the ever-loving snot out of Crowley. "Do you know what I find most shocking time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?" Reality TV? The price of coffee? She lands a blow that knocks Crowley and his chair to the ground and then answers her own question: "Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell." She sees Crowley eying Sam's fallen gun and slides it away from him. For some reason, Crowley thinks it's a good idea to call her a whore. She stomps his head to the ground. Before she can finish him off, Sam pops up and flings some kind of liquid on her. It's probably not holy water, as it catches on fire when he then tosses a book of lit matches at her. She screams and flails as the flames engulf her and smoke pours out of her flambéed meatsuit.

Castiel's chat is going better with Gail now that he's taken imminent death off the table. "I've been afraid to go home for some time now," she admits. "It all seems to be breaking down... You think you can fix that?" Castiel doesn't look especially hopeful, but says, "With time, yes." Gail holds out her hand as the tattoo of a bow appears on her palm. It looks like something she got in a box of Cracker Jack. "Take it," she says. Castiel readies his All-Purpose Angel Sword, even though he could probably remove that thing with soap and water.

Metatron's eye is a bloody mess after Naomi's tinkering. "Why are you doing this?" she asks him, looming over him. Like every other angel (and Winchester), he's got big Daddy Issues. He cries about being chosen by God and longing for Him when He left. "Father's left," he remembers thinking when it happened, "but look what He's left us -- Paradise!" He blames Naomi and the archangels for squandering it all. "You ran me from my home," he seethes. "Did you really think you could do all that to me and there'd be no payback?" Naomi smirks and flits away, leaving Metatron alone to ponder the drill sitting next to him. It seems like the Winchesters aren't the only ones who suck at keeping prisoners.

Crowley has currently reached the drunken "I love you, man!" stage of the cure. "You did good back there, Moose," he says when Sam rights his chair. "I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but, man, I'm proud of you." His feelings are hurt when Sam repaints the Devil's Trap, realizing Sam doesn't trust him even after they've been through together. Sam doses him with the next injection. Crowley, still stung by the betrayal, begins blathering on about Girls. For some reason, he does so with something approximating an American accent. "You're my Marnie, Moose! And Hannah? She just... she needs to be loved! She deserves it! Don't we all? You, me... I deserve to be loved! I just wanna be loved!" His performance is so hammy that certainly it must be a performance, but Crowley seems just as surprised as Sam to realize what he's just said.

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