Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Suffer From "Exhaustion" and "Dehydration"

Moments later, Darling Sammy's apparently completely roused himself from his drug-induced stupor, and has summoned Head Shrink to his cell to apologize. Head Shrink hesitates, but eventually accepts the apology, though he does verbally smack Sam up a bit over the latter's obviously unresolved rage issues while warning that one more outburst from Darling Sammy will find Our Dear Boy transferred "to a facility that is equipped to handle violent patients." "And believe me," Head Shrink adds, "they will be far, far less forgiving." Head Shrink also graciously restores Sam's dayroom privileges, so the next thing we know, Sam's loping on up to Dean, and psych! It's not really Dean at all, because now Sam's talking to himself, too! "Oh, I am so confused!" wails Raoul, a weary paw drifting towards his poor little overheated forehead, and I feel you, my scaly friend. I feel you. The good thing is, this version of Psycho Mindfuck Dean doesn't really have anything different to say than the last version of Psycho Mindfuck Dean did, so we can skip ahead to the bit where Deluxe Crazy Sammy With Super-Special Glow-In-The-Dark Air-Punching Hands starts, like, practicing his mad jujitsu skillz in the middle of the dayroom, or something, because while Deluxe Crazy Sammy thinks he's fending off the horde of shuffling, sepulchral, sunken-eyed, disease-ridden lunatic freaks now closing in on him, he's actually just biffing away at flies. Until, you know, he manages to send a couple of orderlies through plate-glass windows again. D'OH! And as the orderlies eventually overpower him to drag him off to solitary, the camera cuts over to a quiet, dark corner of the dayroom, where Actual Dean sits by himself, absently and nervously picking at his fingers while watching the drama unfold with a pair of empty yet luxuriously lashed doe eyes. "What's happening?" Crazy Dean mumbles to himself. "Why doesn't he ask that deliciously craggy-faced gentleman with all of the cunning pieces of art?!" Why, that's an excellent idea, Raoul. "Thanks!"

And look at that! He actually listened to your advice! "Hooray!" Yep, Crazy Dean's sneaked into Uncle Martin's room, and while his mind is quickly running away from him, he still has just enough sense left to realize that "crazy is the clue." He's somehow managed to deduce that The Wraith doesn't just feed on the insane, it also has the ability to turn the lucid into lunatics, thereby ensuring for itself a steady supply of its favorite type of BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS. Therefore, Sam and Dean had to have been infected by someone they've come into contact with since they entered the asylum, with the most likely suspect of course being Nancy The Nubile Nympho, as she "slobbered" (as Dean puts it) all over the two of them shortly before their troubles began. Now, that's a basic description covering the important plot points in this scene. What I can never do justice to in this recap is how funny the interspersed insanity antics are between Jensen Ackles and Jon Gries in this and the scene that follows. Is it all coming across more like some ridiculously loopy acid trip rather than an accurately dramatized descent into hellish madness? Of course it is. But if I wanted to subject myself to an accurately dramatized descent into hellish madness, I'd watch The Bachelor. "The Snake Pit!" Raoul excitedly shrieks. "Watch The Snake Pit! Olivia de Havilland is simply divine!"

Out in the hall, it's slow going on the way to Nancy The Nubile Nympho's room, mainly because Dean's afraid to step on the cracks. Heh. That particular Wraith-induced phobia disappears, however, when he and Uncle Martin hear a woman scream from the other end of the corridor. They break into the appropriate room just in time to find... Nympho Nancy, swimming in a pool of her own blood! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" And hovering over her? Nurse Diesel, who is actually The Wraith! "SHOCKING PLOT TWISTS AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, Nurse Diesel's The Wraith, and on top of that, you wanna know how she sucks down those BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS? "Tell me! Tell me!" Through a foot-long retractable sippy straw she's got poking out of her goddamned wrist! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" It actually looks like a narwhal's tusk, which makes sense, because after all, she's got to jam that goddamned thing up into people's skulls to suck out their BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "Is this real?" Crazy Dean gulps. Dean, honey, it is both real and spectacular! Nurse Diesel admits as much, going so far as to lick the last tasty morsels of Nympho Nancy's BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS from the end of her spiky sippy straw before sending Our Intrepidly Insane Hero reeling to this evening's final METAL TEETH CHOMP! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Nubile Nancy's Nymphomaniacal Boudoir. Aftermath. And there was much kicking of ass, and it was good. "VIOLENCE!" The Wraith beats Crazy Dean like he owes her money, and it's not long before Crazy Dean slumps to the floor, semiconscious, leaving skittish Uncle Martin to slice up Nurse Diesel's hand with that silver-plated letter opener he's been carrying around for the last several scenes. The Wraith howls in pain, and we get a brief glimpse of the wound bubbling over with crappy CGI before Nurse Diesel bolts from the room to faux-pant at a couple of waiting orderlies, "There's two patients in [Nubile Nancy's Nymphomaniacal Boudoir]! They attacked me!" And as the orderlies obediently charge off to smack Crazy Dean and Uncle Martin around like they're redheaded stepchildren, The Wraith takes a moment to gloat before trotting off to find her next victim, entirely unaware she's dripping a trail of Wraith Blood behind her as she goes.

Back in the boudoir, Uncle Martin realizes Nancy The Nympho's somehow miraculously still alive (don't ask), and bravely volunteers to fend off the charging orderlies while Dean chases after The Wraith. Unfortunately for Dean, the peyote he dropped on top of the acid has now just kicked in, so he's having trouble making it down The Strawberry River to solitary in the basement, which is where we join...

...Nurse Diesel as she enters Crazy Sammy's heavily padded cell to point and laugh. Well, to point and laugh, then to speechify at him for an interminable period of time regarding her methods and motivations before eating his freakish Cro-Magnon BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS. As one does. Sam, of course, is strapped to yet another cot, so he's got little choice but to listen to her as she explains that she infected them during their intake examinations -- and no, not by checking their prostates for contraband. Instead, she simply pressed her thumb against Darling Sammy's remarkably healthy and remarkably bare forearm, and voila! Instant batshit. "It's so simple!" marvels Raoul. And so tasty, too, apparently. "Just like candy?!" Well, if you like candy that tastes like "crazy brains," what with all of that dopamine and adrenaline and whatnot packed in there. "Sounds delightful!" Yeah, have another mouse, honey. "Hey!" In any event, just as Nurse Diesel's about to suck out Crazy Sammy's freakish Cro-Magnon BRAAAAAAAAIIIINS -- Now With 'Roid Rage! -- Crazily Dashing El Deano bursts through the door to effect his brother's rescue for the zillionth time since this show premiered, and in my extremely humble opinion, this is one of the better ones. Why, I hear you ask? "You do!" Because after Nurse Diesel smacks Crazy Dean up against the padded wall, and after Nurse Diesel throttles Crazy Dean with a choke hold, and after Nurse Diesel directs her foot-long retractable sippy straw at his forehead, Crazy Dean reaches up with his free hand and snaps that motherfucker off at the base! "ULULULULULULULUL

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