Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | Grade It Now!
The Hardy Boys Go Off to See the Wizard

Inside Scotty's Cafe, Scotty serves some pie to the unsuspecting couple, telling them that "we're famous for our apples." Dean comes in and orders "coffee, black." Scotty isn't happy to see him. Dean sits at the table right next to the idiots. He starts trying to make small talk with them, when Scotty comes over to refill their glasses and gruff, "I'm sure these people want to eat in peace." Dean's face is real sweet as he replies, "Just a little friendly conversation!" When Dean resumes talking with Mr. and Mrs. Shit For Brains, they tell him that "the guy at the gas station saved our lives" by pointing out their leaking brake line and offering to fix it. Incidentally, Mr. Shit For Brains also wears a permanent Shit-Eating grin, even while delivering his lines, so I'm sort of torn as to what to call him. When Dean hears that the car will be ready "around sundown," he weirdly offers to fix it himself, for free, all while waggling his eyebrows at them. Then he takes another tack, going on about unsafe roads and telling them they are in danger. Mr. Shit For Brains cuts the conversation off then, and Dean starts muttering, half to himself, "You know my brother could give you this puppy dog look, you'd just buy right into it." Just then, Scotty comes out from the kitchen to welcome the sheriff that just walked into the cafe. Sheriff asks for a word with Dean, and we cut to the Metallicar getting run out of town by a police car.Back in the bus station. Sam and Short Lip have a few beers and talk. She sits with one slutty shoulder bared and delivers her lines like she just got a few hundred shots of local anesthetic in the mouth: "Yeaaaah riiiighhht. Iiit's alll sippin Criistaaal poooolsiide foor mee." She tells Sam a sob story about having to leave her family because her parents were SOOOOO mean. She explains: they wanted her to be smart. Gasp! The horror! To be fair, she qualifies: "I was supposed to be smart, but not smart enough to scare away a husband." Could we not come up with a more compelling story line than this? Cry me a river, you had parents who expected decent grades but were a little behind-the-times as far as gender politics go. You and about a hundred million other twentysomethings. Anyhow, Sam is totally taken in by this lame story, and though I am perhaps supposed to feel that he is not quite thinking with his brain, I am hard pressed to see how he could see anything but extreme discomfort in the prospect of wrapping his arms around this girl's razor blades, oops, I mean "shoulders." Sam talks to her about Dean and how he had to get away from him, and she raises her beer for a toast, which she delivers in a short-lipped Irish accent. What is this, Alexander? And now there's a joke that'll fall flat because nobody in their right mind saw that movie, and I only did because I fell asleep while watching another movie on HBO and awoke to Angelina Jolie speaking in a Russian accent, because why wouldn't she as a resident of ancient Greece?

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