Season 7, Time For A Wedding!

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 8 USERS: C+
The Hardy Boys Are Overstaying Their Welcome

...Delayed El Deano pulls into the rain-streaked parking lot just in time to watch as Sam and Becky drive off. He sighs to himself and trudges into the restaurant to order a much-needed beer because: Drinking problem? What drinking problem? Fortuitously enough, some kind soul's left the latest edition of the Pike Creek Chronicle on the bar, and Dean's eagle eye immediately spots a suspicious headline. "Truck kills pedestrian in freak accident," the headline rather sedately notes before just as quietly adding, "Victim a recent lottery winner." The camera takes a very long moment to focus in on the article, just so the people who have really been enjoying this season understand that it is A Very Important Piece Of Journalism, Indeed, and then we hop over to...

...Batshit Becky's, where the lady of the house emerges from her boudoir in a strikingly demure negligee to dine with her new husband for the first time, and I've got to admit, they've really done poor Emily Perkins a solid for the first time this episode by allowing her to look like her really quite attractive self in this glamour shot. Even Whammied Sammy notices how lovely Batshit Becky looks, and then she opens her goddamned mouth, and everything goes to hell. Again. It's really a shame, because I've got nothing against Emily Perkins as a performer -- and while I'm throwing around faint praise, I should probably note that Leslie Odom does a fine job as Gay Guy this evening -- but the script they've saddled her with tonight just suh-huuuuuucks. Every major plot point is telegraphed scenes in advance, so there's absolutely no tension or sense of urgency at all, and nothing is novel or especially funny, despite the fact that this is supposed to be one of this series' comedic meta-episodes, and we're eleven goddamned minutes in, and there hasn't been a single goddamned gruesome death yet, and WHY DIDN'T THEY CANCEL THIS SHIT AT THE END OF SEASON FIVE? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" God, I hate you, Raoul.

ANY-way, where the hell was I? Oh, yes: Whammied Sammy and Batshit Becky clink champagne glasses in a toast just before Whammied Sammy comes down with one of those massively debilitating migraines he used to get all the time back in Season Two. Alas, this does not lead to blurry visions of even better episodes to come as it did so many times in the past, but instead simply causes Batshit Becky's image to double, then treble in his eyes as the effects of Gay Guy's nefarious hex potion slowly begin to wear off. A panicking Becky immediately realizes what's going on, dumps a bit of the fresh potion she received a couple of scenes ago into Sam's champagne, and all but forces the subsequent mixture down his remarkably broad and healthy throat. Thus so efficiently rehexed, Rewhammied Sammy offers Batshit Becky a docile and loving little smile along with a few appropriate cooing noises, and as a much-relieved Becky takes a swig of her champagne, we cut over to...

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