Season 7, Time For A Wedding!

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 9 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Are Overstaying Their Welcome

...some random minor-league baseball stadium, where an athletic thirtysomething whacks away at balls hurled by an auto-loading pitching machine while some ominously hoodied ratbag watches the guy's every move from the stands. Soon enough, the ominously hoodied ratbag flicks a little telekinetic mojo at the pitching machine, and instantly ramps the thing up to eleven. The first subsequent ball shatters the thirtysomething's bat, the second brings him to his knees when it connects with his chest, and the third supposedly obliterates his face, though if you frame through the moment of contact, it becomes clear they just added a splotch of red to the guy's cheek in post. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Yeah, so not worth trying to wake him up. In any event, this last ball sends the athletic thirtysomething flopping forward into the dirt, where his rapidly cooling corpse proceeds to bleed out all over home plate, and in yet another sign of just how much this episode sucks, we enter this evening's first commercial break most woefully CHOMP!-less.

Batshit Becky's. Dean arrives to surprise the newlyweds with a brand-new non-stick waffle iron, and much is made both of his attempt to be supportive and of his abject ignorance of waffle irons until they finally get down to business, with Dean detailing the recent suspicious goings-on in Pike Creek, mentioning both the never-seen lottery winner and the now-faceless baseball player, both of whom experienced extraordinary runs of luck right before biting it. Needless to say, Dean's quite surprised to learn that Sam and Becky are already on the case, with Becky having gone so far as to decorate the boudoir wall with an elaborate display of evidence entitled "Sam and Becky's Investigation." Batshit Becky's gone ahead and ruled out Crossroads Demons, as "there's that ten-year timeframe on collecting souls," and brief mention is made of cursed objects before Dashing El Deano loses all patience with this stupid, stupid episode and starts screaming at his dunderheaded brother for not realizing what's actually going on. "Obviously," he shouts, "people's dreams are coming true in this town!" "Don't you think this," he continues, referring of course to Sam's bizarre wedding, "is a little bit of a coincidence?" Whammied Sammy primly insists that what he and Batshit Becky have is real, or something, so Dean pretty much flings his hands into the air and clompy-stomps on out of there. You know, more or less.

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