Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 3 USERS: A
Sex and The Single Hardy Boys

...Flutter, Flutter RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, feeling more than a little giddy over the recent sequence of events. "I am indeed!" Raoul pants in breathless agreement. "Lightheaded, even!" Well, then, how about you compose yourself while I get on with the episode proper? "Oh, you are kind! Please do!" I think I shall.

So, while Raoul pulls his overexcited self back together with a flagon of healing booze, let's join the camera as it pans slowly up Dean's unconscious form as he slumbers in this week's motel room, and don't get your hopes up -- he's entirely covered by a sheet. A passing semi wakes him up, and he spins his head around to look for Darling Sammy, but Sam's bed's empty, because Sam's in the bathroom, hissing something into his cell phone about the lack of electrical storms and crop failures as of late. Dean, knowing his brother's talking to Princess Embolism, allows his eyes to cloud over with suspicion and loathing for a moment before flopping himself back over on his bed to pretend he's still asleep when Sam finally gets off his call. The ruse works and, after Darling Sammy whaps Dean on the legs a couple of times with his shaving kit, Dean stretches and yawns and elaborately rubs at his eyes before wondering what Sam's doing up so early. "Nothing!" Sam basically LIES, then announces he's found them both a case: "Bedford, Iowa -- a guy beat his wife's brains out with a meat tenderizer. And get this -- third local inside two months to gank his wife, no priors on any of them, all happily married." Dean cracks wise regarding Ozzie And Harriet, Sam counters that with a comment involving The Shining, and before you know it, we're off with the boys to...

...The Taylor County Correctional Facility, where "Adam Benson," the murderous husband from the pre-credits sequence, does his best to make prison orange look good while groaning, "Why does the P.D. keep sending you guys? I already said I don't want a lawyer." The LYING LIARS WHO LIE, here masquerading as public defenders, warn Benson he's facing the death penalty in his case, but Benson doesn't care -- he's pleading guilty, and the courts can do whatever the hell they want to him, because he slaughtered his one true love and no longer wants to carry on with his now-miserable existence and waaaaaaaaaah and shut up, Adam Benson, because while you are succeeding in making prison orange look good, you are only here to further the plot, so let's get to the damn facts already, okay? "Okay!" I wasn't talking to you, Raoul. "Oh, you dear little man, I was aware of that fact! I'm simply attempting to help you along!" Oh. Never mind, then. "Okay!" Ugh. ANY-way, Our Intrepid LIARS lead the morose murderer along with the typical possession-related questions and are most surprised when Benson insists he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time he was doing it, so pissed-off ghosts and dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell are apparently off tonight's suspect list. Dean takes this moment to reach into his briefcase and extract a recent credit card bill they somehow managed to get their hands on, and he draws Benson's attention to a $9000 charge filed by "M&C Entertainment," which, as Dean points out, indicates Benson was "dropping plastic at a nudie bar," and oh, boy. Here we go with the tale of woe. Even though Benson loved his wife more than anything else in the world, and despite the fact that he "never meant it to happen," he found himself in a strip club during a friend's bachelor party, and there he met "Jasmine," "and she was just perfect." He can't explain it, but he fell instantly under her spell, and the real reason he murdered his wife is because Jasmine promised they'd be together forever if only wife "Vicky" were dead. So, Adam tenderized Vicky's forehead and hustled on over to meet this stripper lady at some predetermined place, but Jasmine never showed -- of course -- and Benson doesn't even know her real name -- of course -- and now he just wants to drop dead. "You didn't think to tell this to the cops?" Darling Sammy wonders, all worried furrowed brow and limpid puppy-dog eyes. "What for?" Benson shoots back. "The stripper didn't do it. I did." "And I know what I deserve," he continues, meeting Dean's somewhat uncomprehending gaze with a dead, wrecked stare of his own. "Judge doesn't give me the death sentence, I'll just do it myself." Our Intrepid Heroes shoot befuddled side-eyes at each other for a moment before the scene cuts over to...

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