Supernatural

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Demian: B | 4 USERS: A
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Sex and The Single Hardy Boys

Out in the hall, Dean accuses Sam of cockblockage, but we'll be skipping past that asinine assertion in favor of processing our way through the information dump Dean proceeds to drop into our collective lap at this moment. Seems all three of this evening's accused murderers gave thousands of dollars to exotic entertainers at a local night spot called, charmingly enough, The Honey Wagon, and while each gentleman claims his stripper was different from the others' they all described their ladies in exactly the same manner: "Perfect, and everything that they wanted." Super-Smart Sammy quickly determines they've got some sort of demonic love spell on their hands, but as far as Cheery El Deano's concerned, that's all beside the point. "Strippers, Sammy!" he grins as they finally reach the Impala. "Strippers!" he repeats, positively elated. "We are on an actual case involving strippers, finally!" Aw. He's so cute when he sets his sights so low. And with Diminished Expectations El Deano thus enthused, the boys embark, and we're off to...

...The Honey Wagon, where Dean flashes his badge at the bouncer to gain instant entry, and soon he's grilling the establishment's proprietor regarding the strippers involved, and as those strippers' names are "Jasmine," "Aurora," and "Ariel," and as even I -- a gay man of a certain age who avoids children's movies like the plague -- can recognize them as belonging to Disney princesses, I must then wonder why neither Sam nor Dean made the connection themselves and proceeded to consider the possibility that they're dealing with a shapeshifter who's possessed of a naughty sense of humor. No matter, for they'll figure it out eventually, I suppose. In any event, as the "exotic dancers" employed by The Honey Wagon are all "independent contractors working for cash," the establishment's proprietor can't help Dean with his search for the mysterious cinephile or cinephiles in question. Dean retreats to Sam's side in frustration, but said frustration doesn't last for very long, because Super-Smart Sammy's just phoned Bobby, who of course knew exactly what they're dealing with: A Siren. As in, one of those Sirens from The Odyssey, which Dean just so happens to have read, so he gets the reference, even though he doesn't know who Mary Frigging Poppins is, so whatever. Though of course, Dean's unfamiliarity with Disney heroines does appear to have precedent, so perhaps I can't really bust on him for not recognizing the strippers' stage names. What's Sam's excuse, then? "He's an idiot?!" Oh, Raoul. Don't be mean. "What!? It's simply a suggestion!" In any event, what dear old Homer never told us about the beasts Our Dear Boys are now looking for is that Sirens can read minds, then cloak themselves to appear as whatever their desired target wants most in the world, though I'd be willing to bet that ability doesn't extend so far as to allow them to appear as, say, a winning lottery ticket, or a Snuggie. "That's a shame!" shrieks Raoul. "My Snuggie has been keeping me toasty warm this entire winter!" And do not think the lovely embroidered decorations you've added to it have gone unnoticed, my scaly friend. "Oooh! Which is your favorite?!" Oh, they're all so remarkably... vivid, Raoul, that I don't think I could ever pick just one. "Please!?" Well, I'll go with the assassination of Alexander II for now... "Wheee! That's one of my favorites as well!" But I reserve the right to change my mind at a future date. "Of course!" Now, may I continue? "Oh, by all means! Please do!" Thanks.

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Supernatural

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