Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 3 USERS: A
Sex and The Single Hardy Boys

Yeesh. So, anyway, Our Intrepid Heroes quickly realize the Siren they're looking for could be anyone, just in time for the camera to pan across various independent contractors in the bar before settling down upon one who's just now slinking her way into a cozy banquette at the back of the room. As the gentleman who'd been waiting for her greets her as "Belle," I'm guessing we've got our Siren, here. "I thought you'd never come," Belle croons, and she takes the gentleman by the hand to lead him out into the misty night air before heading over to...

...his place, where the gentleman -- a nerdy Iowa farmboy sort -- checks in on his chronically ill mother before rejoining The Siren in the living room. "Lenny," she sings, "you're amazing!" And he's not, really, but that doesn't matter, because she's already taken off her dress and now stands there before him clad in nothing more than a bra, a pair of panties, and some cunning Lucite pumps, so of course it's time for the "Sex" part of this evening's episode title, though it's most certainly not the sex any of us are waiting to see. That comes later. You know, with Sam. "Demian!" What? "Don't be vulgar!" Oh, whatever. Fine. "But do hurry along to the scene in question, because you're absolutely right!" Oy. So, Lenny and The Siren are doing it right there on the couch, and The Siren is of course on top, the better to display her... horrifying true visage in the mirror above the mantel! DUN! Yep, like several other beasties we've seen on this show, The Siren's true form appears in mirrors, and it's as skeletal and ghoulish as all of the others, so it's a very good thing she found employment as an independent contractor in the only strip club in the entire United States that is entirely devoid of reflective surfaces, isn't it? "It is indeed!" Thanks for seeing it my way, Raoul. "Not a problem!" So, this thing rides hapless little Lenny on a pony ride straight down into Hell for a little while before we cut to the immediate aftermath, with the two entwined in each other's arms on the couch. "Baby?" The Siren lilts, but Lenny doesn't answer her, because he's asleep already, duuuuuuh. Or maybe that's not what happens at all, and Lenny instead murmurs a contented, "Yeah?" "Don't you want to be with me forever?" The Siren whispers. "Yeah!" addled Lenny agrees immediately. "Then bash your mother's brains in," The Siren simpers. "Baby, do it for me?" "Yeah, okay!" Lenny instantly replies. "If you say so!" And with that, he rises to retrieve a poker from the fireplace, walks to the rear of the house, and proceeds to beat a Naugahyde sofa to death, if that ridiculously overdone thwacking on the soundtrack's to be believed. Good thing, though, for as you'll recall, Raoul does not approve of the violence against little old ladies. "[Meep!]" See? Just the mere thought of it's made him preverbal. In any event, satisfied that yet another horrendously upholstered divan's met its justified end, The Siren plasters a smug little pleased smile on her face, steps back into her little black dress, and strides straight out of the house into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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