Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 3 USERS: A
Sex and The Single Hardy Boys

Now, where was I? Ah, yes: The Seduction Of Saint Sammy, already in progress. After giving Sam a little Carpe Diem speech that probably would have fit better into last week's episode, Doctor Cara leans into his ear and whispers, "I have been thinking about you all night." "Well," she amends, still right at his ear, "parts of you." "Just parts?" Sam asks, playing along surprisingly well for someone so sorely lacking in experience as he. "Uh-huh," Doctor Cara nods, moving her mouth around to his face. "Like your lips -- they're very distracting." As she strips him of his tie, she continues, "It's a problem." Heh. "So, what the hell, huh?" she asks, totally inviting him in, and the next thing you know, they're ripping off each other's shirts, and then I see Jared Padalecki's back, and it's all over for your faithful recapper, because yowza, and wow, and woof, and I'm going to go get a glass of ice water and dump it over my head because daaaaaaaaaaamn. In the meantime, you can watch as Darling Sammy nails Doctor Cara right there against the blinds in her office, so intent on the mission at hand that he fails to notice when he knocks her potted hyacinth straight into the METAL TEETH CHOMP! and no, that was not a euphemism. "Hee!"

In the aftermath of all that sordid workplace fornication, Darling Sammy wanders into this week's darkened motel room, flicks on the lights, and seems surprised to find Dean absent, so he dials Dean's number on his cell. Dean, of course, is frantic with worry not only because of the potted hyacinth that now lies at the bottom of the CHOMP! but also because of the dirt he's managed to dig up on Doctor Cara while Sam was so busily nailing her against the blinds in her office. Long story short, she's only been in town for two months, and that ex-husband of hers, Carl? Actually dropped dead of a supposed heart attack. DUN! Darling Sammy disagrees with that DUN! assessment, however, and tells Dean flat-out that Cara can't be the thing they're looking for. "Did you sleep with her?" Dean barks into his phone, and it's more of a realization than a question, but he receives confirmation of his suspicions nevertheless when Darling Sammy completely biffs his LYING answer. "Holy crap!" Dean exclaims. "Middle of Basic Instinct, and you bang Sharon Stone?" "Unbelievable, man! I just don't get it!" Dean rages. "First it's Madison, and then Ruby, and now Cara -- it's like, what is with you and bangin' monsters?" "I object to his tone!" shrieks Raoul, one perfectly manicured claw wagging around in the general direction of the television set while a stung paw rises to his chest, and Raoul, have another flagon. I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you. "And how can you be so sure, hmmmmm?!" Just a hunch. Now, would you be a dear recapping companion and quiet down a little bit so I can make it through this scene? "Well, since you asked so nicely!" Excellent. Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Sam reacts far more mildly to Dean's insult than Raoul just did, and continues to insist he's under no one's spell, but Dean can't risk dealing with a possibly enthralled sibling at the moment, and determines to finish this particular job on his own. And once Dean's so pissily snapped off his phone, Sam, back in the motel room, takes a moment to stare dully at his own before... smashing it against the motel room wall! SMASH! SAM SMASH! We play Count The Pores On Jared Padalecki's Face for a bit after the camera moves in for an intense, lingering close-up before switching over to...

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