Supernatural

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Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B-
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The Hardy Boys Are Not The Droids You're Looking For

Dean yanks a box of adoption records from a shelf as a befuddled security guard mumbles, "I probably shouldn't have let you kids in here." "No, it'll all be fine," Andy assures him, tossing a friendly arm across the guard's shoulders and showing him to the door. "Now you just go get a cup of coffee, all right?" he suggests in echoey and mind-controlling tones before impishly adding, "These are not the droids you're looking for!" "Awesome!" Dean approves. Meanwhile, College Boy's already found the relevant documents. That was...unreasonably fast. In any event, Sam confirms not only that Holly Beckett was indeed Andy's birth mother, but also that the late Doctor Jennings was both her obstetrician and the person who arranged for the adoption. "Kuh!" Andy guhs. "Does anyone have a Vicodin?" That shouldn't be funny, but it is. And oh, but that's not all, either. "Holly Beckett gave birth to twins," Sam notes with appropriate amounts of foreboding. DUN!

A short time later, Andy's still trying to process it all. "I have an evil twin!" he gapes. Heh. Turns out that evil twin was placed with a certain Weems family upstate, but "Anson" has a local address right there in Guthrie. And if "Anson Weems" has any connection to Parson Weems, I'm not seeing it. Well, except for the fact that it was Parson Weems who popularized the myth that George Washington could not tell a lie, said myth placing our esteemed first president in direct opposition to Our Intrepid Heroes, of course, who LIE at every turn because they are LYING LIARS WHO LIE. But I'm sure I'm reading too much into it. In any event, Dean's hotwired the entire Oklahoma Department Of Motor Vehicles, apparently, for the county courthouse's fax machine is already spitting out Anson's particulars, and Anson is actually -- wait for it -- Webber The Slacking Busboy! DUN! Again! Some more!

Back at the now-closed coffee shop, unsuspecting Tracy wipes down the espresso machines while undercover psycho killer Anson lurks and asks prying questions about Tracy's relationship with Andy and finally just grabs her arm to menace her openly.

Out on the road, Sam and Dean are pumping Andy for whatever information the latter has on Anson when Sam's suddenly smacked in the brain with another painful premonition: Tracy, clad in a White Nightgown Of Doom (that is actually her slip, just as it was for Jessica, but stop being so picky and just accept the trope already), tearfully approaches the side of a windswept overpass and climbs up onto the railing. Oh, my bad -- that's not an overpass at all. Rather, it's a four-hundred-foot-high dam in the middle of freaking Oklahoma, for Christ's sake. Oh, Supernatural. Why you gotta be so cruel? Why a four-hundred-foot-high dam? Why not an out-of-the-way overpass stretching across Interstate 35? That would've worked, too, right? Having her bellyflop into oncoming traffic? Huh? Sigh. Anyway, Tracy gasps and heaves and blubbers and sobs high atop The Impossible Dam for a very long while until she spreads her arms out and leaps. Back in Metallicar, Sam's agonies reach the point where Dean's forced to peel over to the side of the road and leap out to ease a doubled-over Sam through the passenger's-side door. Sam just pants and grunts his way straight into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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Supernatural

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