Supernatural

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The Hardy Boys Are Not The Droids You're Looking For

Sam and Dean burst through the front door at this point, drawing a set of glowering and suspicious stares from these two hot hunters at a nearby table, and I'd go there with the easy jokes about these guys appraising Our Dear Boys for a little of the quick and dirty out back were it not for the fact that I'm certain hundreds of gruesome fan fictions have already been written detailing at excruciating length every aspect of that very subject. The Internet really sucks sometimes. "Just can't stay away, huh?" Jo smiles as Dean reaches the bar. He greets her amiably enough and asks how she is, just as Sam blunders in between them to demand Ash's current coordinates. "In his back room," Jo replies, adding a "And I'm fine!" at Sam's quickly vanishing form as the latter barrels into the roadhouse's depths. Dean, still clearly not happy with the fact that they're there at all, offers apologies for his brother's rude behavior, then rather vaguely excuses himself to join Sam...

...who's already rapping his good hand's knuckles on a door that features a sign stating, "DR. BADASS IS: IN." That "IN" bit is painted onto a separate block of wood suspended from a nail, so the good Doctor Badass might flip it around when he is, in fact, OUT. And with Ash tossing random references to John Waters movies hither and yon, I'd venture a guess that he'll be OUT very soon. In any event, Sam's receiving no response to his repeated bellows for "Ash," so Dean scuttles over and calls out, "Doctor Badass?" Inside Ash's strobe-lit lair, the clearly naked occupant slides open the bolt, and when the camera hops back out into the hall again, Doctor Badass has opened the door just wide enough to stick out his nose and a nipple. Shudder. "Sam," Ash nods, "Dean." Then he sniffs the air really hard and repeats, "Sam and Dean!" Even though Sam certainly dealt with weirdos far odder on a daily basis in the dorms at Stanford, he looks painfully creeped out as he winces, "We need your help." "Well, hell, then," Ash quite casually replies, "I guess I need my pants!" He grins crookedly at them right before he slams the door shut. Sam and Dean roll their eyes at each other and book back to the bar.

A short time later, Ash has located the municipality whose buses bear that "Blue Ridge" logo from Sam's premonition: Guthrie, Oklahoma. And if any of you were familiar with this particular ghost story, you might have been able to guess tonight's shocking twist long before the show itself revealed it. Long story short, Ash, using Daddy Shut Up's nonparametric statistical overviews and cross-spectrum correlations, can't find any sign of The Ceiling Demon in or around Guthrie, so Sam asks him to try a different set of search criteria: House fires in 1983 originating in the homes' nurseries the night of the children's "six-month birthday." Jo and Ash shoot Sam the hairy eyeball while Dean frets. Eventually, Ash starts flapping his mullet around, squinting, "That is just weird, man. Why the hell would I be looking for that?" Sam slams a unopened beer bottle in front of him and notes, "'Cause there's a PBR in it for ya." "Give me fifteen minutes," Ash replies, because having him offer an homage to Blue Velvet at this moment would never have made it past Standards And Practices. "Fuck that shit!" shrieks Raoul, for he knows full well that Dennis Hopper was one suave fucker, you fucking fucks.

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Supernatural

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