This week, we're off to Elizabethville, Ohio, a depressed Rust Belt factory town that's suddenly found new life as a haven for prostitution and gambling thanks to a couple of Devil's Gate escapees, who possessed the bodies of a barmaid and a priest and, with a few carefully placed words of advice to some key players on the town's main drag, got the whole mini-Vegas thing rolling all those many weeks ago after that damn door to Hell burst open. And after a series of contrivances involving a hunter from Coney Island (which: Whaaaaaa?) who mercifully gets taken out fairly early on in the evening's proceedings, Dean finds himself trapped in a collapsed wine cellar with the barmaid, and several thousand lengthy minutes of tedious speechifying ensue, during which we learn that The Ceiling Demon was in fact Azazel, Hell is a terribly unpleasant place to spend an eternity, and The Ginormous Revenant really is the human leader of Lucifer's minions on earth. Or something like that. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep during that bit.
Meanwhile, as Elizabethville's entire homosexual population of one tries to get into Darling Sammy's oversized pants, Ruby drops by Bobby's place to offer an assist in reconstructing The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Can't, and the oddly matched temporary allies actually get the thing to work, as Sam discovers when he finally shakes his ardent admirer off his leg to scamper over to the collapsed wine cellar so he might coldly plug the priest and the barmaid with a couple of demon-slaughtering slugs during a climactic showdown that's just as hideously boring as everything else in this episode. And in the end, Ruby promises to be a little fallen angel on Sam's remarkably broad shoulders.
Whatever the fucking hell that's supposed to mean.
Rattle, Rattle THEN! And apparently, when I claimed "So whaddya say we kill some evil sons of bitches, and we raise a little hell?" was this season's "Saving people, hunting things!" I was a LYING LIAR WHO LIES, because this is the third time the THEN!'s been preceded by Dear El Deano manfully urging, "Look, [our worthless bastard of a so-called father's] gone now -- we have to carry out his legacy, and that means hunting down as many evil sons of bitches as we can!" Thanks for ruining my heretofore immaculate reputation, show. In any event, as you'll recall, "a damned door to Hell" was opened in last season's finale, in the process unleashing a roiling cloud of bitterly black demonic goo across the vast wastes of Wyoming, and Darling Sammy might have returned from The Great Beyond as an impossibly gargantuan bar of Ivory soap. Later, Ruby The Sparkly Haired Demon offed a couple of the Seven Deadly Sins with her Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It (Probably) Can't before hinting she might be able to help El Deano with his Crossroads Demonette problem. In other "Things That Can Kill Anything Except When They Can't" news, Samuel Fucking Colt fashioned a fucking gun way back in 1835, and 172 years later, Dean used it to obliterate both The Ceiling Demon and The Ceiling Demon's janitorial host. Are we all caught up? Excellent, because we all need to shut the hell up for the...