Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Get Molested

A quick cut later, and the police are snapping Downtrodden Dave into a pair of handcuffs while Sam and Dean warily eye all of the law enforcement currently surrounding them, itching to bolt before one of them recognizes the boys from their places atop the FBI's Most Wanted list. I'd applaud the nod to continuity were I not so dreadfully bored. In any event, and long story short, the boys mutter to themselves about the dearth of verifiable demonic possession in Elizabethville until the burg's sheriff ambles over to let them know the local paper will be wanting their snapshot, given their heroic deeds of late. The boys make agreeable faces at the guy until he's gone, then immediately rise to vacate the bar. One problem: "Where's [The Fucking Unbearable Wop]?"

Why, about to get himself a little of that Five-Cent Piece Of Ass, of course. You see, in that earlier scene I could not stand to recap properly because of The Fucking Unbearable Wop's presence, The Fucking Unbearable Wop revealed he'd made arrangements to nail The Five-Cent Piece Of Ass after her shift, and as her shift apparently ended the second one of her patrons blew out another's brains, here we are at the tastefully appointed manse her dearly departed parents willed her several years ago. "I don't come out here much," she admits with a sly wink as she sashays on up to the front door, "unless I want to be alone." The Fucking Unbearable Wop is fucking unbearable, so let's skip ahead a bit to join The Five-Cent Piece Of Ass as she leads him down into the manse's spacious wine cellar. The Fucking Unbearable Wop is fucking unbearable, so let's skip past the small talk to the point where The Five-Cent Piece Of Ass allows her eyes to flip beetle-black in the cellar's candlelight. "KILL HIM!" Raoul shrieks immediately. Under normal circumstances, I'd chide you for your ill-considered volume, my scaly friend, but as I'm in complete and utter agreement with you at the moment, I think I'll join you in baying for this asswipe's immediate demise. The Demonically Enhanced Five-Cent Piece Of Ass kindly obliges us by snatching at The Fucking Unbearable Wop's face and snapping his worthless neck with one supple twist of her hands. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Raoul shrieks, pounding his considerable tail against the floor with delight. The Now-Dead But Still Fucking Unbearable Wop lingers on the screen for a moment before collapsing into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!, which immediately spits his vile ass out because the CHOMP! doesn't want to have anything to do with him, either.

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