Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Need To Exfoliate More

In the sewer, Blondie tells Dean that she was walking home and got hit over the head, waking up "just in time to see that thing turn into me." Yes, because women who were beaten and nearly raped THE NIGHT BEFORE would normally be just out and about, walking home like it was any other regular workday. Why do they have to get so complicated with the comings and goings? Why not just have the thing turn into her, since it did spend a few hours with her the night before? After all, it was able to turn into both Zach Guzman and Fancypants without tying them up. Why, why, why, why, why?! Dean unties the bruised-faced Blondie and tells her they have to hurry since Sam went to see "her."

Back at NotBlonde's, we pan across the floor to see a pile of flesh and blonde hair. Sam is tied up, and the shape-shifter has transformed back into NotDean. Now, I'd say that this is a case of trying to have your cake and eat it too, if by "cake" one means Jensen Ackles's naked chest. The writers indulge the drama queen skin-molting antics so that we could get that little music video moment up there...but then also try to have the shape-shifter be able to rip its damn wig off whenever and wherever it pleases? I'm not buying it. Pick a mythology about this particular sort of monster and stick with it. Either it can morph easily and seamlessly, or it has to get all tortuously "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!" when it wants to change. Looming over Sam, who is sitting on the floor against a couch looking hurt, NotDean rustles through kitchen drawers. NotDean taunts Sam: "Murder in the first? Of his own brother? He'll be hunted for the rest of his life." NotDean locates a butcher knife, and we sort of fade out from that scene and then back into the exact same scene, except I guess they're in the basement or rec room of the house now, as Sam is now splayed on the floor next to a pool table. Why switch locations, exactly? I guess we're meant to believe that NotDean has been torturing Sam for hours, which...why not show a bit of that? Anyway, NotDean regrets out loud that he'll have to lose Dean's skin. It'd be nice if we had any idea on God's green earth what that means. Like, why does he have to relinquish the skin? Where does he get the skin from? Does he grow it? WITH HIS MIND?

NotDean tells Sam that he should appreciate Dean more than he does, and then stabs the butcher knife into the pool table. Sam takes this opportunity to donkey-kick NotDean, and then use the butcher knife to quickly slice through the ropes tying his hands together. Sam grabs the knife, and the two really get into it. My closed captioning indicates that a Lynyrd Skynyrd song is supposed to play in the background, and since I'm recapping from a recorded repeat airing, having missed the original airing, I wonder if it ever did? In any case, they've substituted some truly uninspiring synth strings in the background that sound lifted from the B-storyline chase scene of a Miami Vice episode. The NotBros really get into it, throwing elbows, heels of hands shoving upward on noses, punching, and nearly, I dare say, suplexing. NotDean sends Sam careening backwards into a bookcase, which totally shatters with a force completely incommensurate with Sam's body's impact, but whatever, YES WITH THE CRASHING BOOKS! NotDean grabs a pool cue and says to Sam, "Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass" and starts whipping it in Sam's general direction but totally missing. More elbows, punching, and dancing around like they're Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier. Then, next on the checklist of silly televisual fight clichés is NotDean tackling Sam and the two of them landing squarely horizontal on the coffee table, causing the whole thing to give way neatly beneath them. NotDean straddles Sam, punches him around and then seems to be successfully choking him when...all of a sudden..."Hey!" shouts Dean from behind them!

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Supernatural

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