Supernatural
Slash Fiction

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 8 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Sound Like Sensible Fucking Men

...interrogation room to listen as LeviaDean speechifies at length for the supposed benefit of his captive audience. And because LeviaDean's captive audience does not include any of us, I'm going to fast-forward to the bit where...

...the sheriff dumps a great, big Bucket O' Borax on LeviaSam's head. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" A head that Actual Dean then lops off with a fire axe. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as what's left of LeviaSam crashes all the way down to the floor to unleash a torrent of bitterly black Leviathan goo all over the sheriff's nice carpet, we skip back over to the...

...interrogation room, where LeviaDean is still talking! GOD! The one good bit of the incessant babbling that follows is that LeviaDean finally -- finally -- tells Actual Sam about The Late, Unlamented Amy Pond, and then Actual Dean bursts through the door to dump a great, big Bucket O' Borax on his doppelganger's head. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" A head that Actual Dean then lops off with a fire axe. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as what's left of LeviaDean crashes a very short way down to the floor to unleash a torrent of bitterly black Leviathan goo all over the sheriff's nice carpet, the sheriff wastes not a moment unshackling Actual Sam from the table. He warns Actual Sam 'N' Dean that the FBI's on its way, and the three settle down to pound out an exit strategy for Our Authentic Idiots, with the sheriff eventually agreeing to fake the boys' deaths. You know, again. Some more.

Which is basically what happens in the very next scene. Those two actual, honest-to-God FBI agents arrive in Ankeny to assume custody of the supposedly deceased Winchesters' remains, but the sheriff and the coroner -- who happens to be the sheriff's daughter -- LIE that the supposedly deceased Winchesters' remains have already been cremated "per their living wills and religious requirements." Special Agent Buzzkill gets his wee little man-panties tangled up in a righteous wad over that one, but Special Agent Valenti reminds his partner that no bodies means no paperwork, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but we're never going to see any of these people again, so whatever, and is this scene done, yet? "It is!" Beautiful.

Back in the ridiculously rustic homestead's lounge, Sheriff Jody and Bobby watch as yet another television reporter confirms the supposedly deceased Winchesters' "violent end in Iowa," and then things threaten to get all inappropriate and schmoopy between Grandpa, there, and the good sheriff right up until the moment Bobby thankgodfully zigs just when we think he's gonna zag. As in, "zag his goddamn tongue straight down her throat." "[Shudder!]" I couldn't have put it better myself, Raoul. In any event, Bobby retrieves his doppelganger's boxed head from the kitchen counter, and wonders if Sheriff Jody wouldn't mind dropping the thing off "Underhill Bridge" on her way back to Sioux Falls. "Now, if you'll excuse me," he nervously adds, "I've got a body to bury in cement." Such a charmer. Sheriff Jody gazes at him all wistfully and such, so he gifts her with a chaste peck on the cheek, and she allows herself a small, fond smile before turning to exit.

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Supernatural

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