Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Toil and Trouble

In Fitchburg, Wisconsin, a little girl invites death and destruction into her home by reciting "Now I lay me down to sleep" while a piano plinks creepily in the background. Well, she's inviting either death and destruction or my shoe being thrown at the screen. Her father looks on in a sort of dejected way. The little girl gets in bed and plaintively asks if Mommy is coming home. Dejected Dad sinks further into dejection, sighs, and says that Mommy has to stay at the hospital with her sister. He turns out the light, closes the door, and leaves. The wind howls outside, the tree in front of the house taps on her picture window. The little girl sits up in bed watching the flickering shadows. She jumps out of bed to close her flimsy white curtains, hops back in bed, and pulls the covers nearly over her eyes. A bony hand shadow emerges from the tree branch shadows, moving toward the latch on the window. The window opens, a decorative mobile tinkles, the little girl's brow furrows. A thick shadow moves toward her, a gnarled grey hand pulls back her comforter, and we see the lower half of one nasty-ass face hooded under a black cloak. Its mouth opens and it seems to start sucking in soupy gray air. The little girl screams. The Metal Teeth Chomp. Zappy credits.

Stock footage of the Metallicar driving down a country road. We find the boys in medias res, discussing -- wait, can we take a moment to laugh hysterically over my describing these two as being in medias res? What do I think I'm dealing with here, Virgil? Anyhoo, Dean is accusing Sam of missing something. Sam assures him that he "ran Lexis Nexis, checked local police reports" and asks Dean if he got the coordinates right. It turns out that their father sent them some more coordinates that point to Fitchburg. Sam swears that all he's found is "a big steamy pile of nothing." Hmmm, new promo slogan? "Next week on Supernatural: A Fresh New Big Steamy Pile of Nothing." Dean is acting annoyingly older brother-y, calling Sam "Sammy" and telling him not to worry his pretty little head. Sam asks how Dean knows that there will be something to kill in Fitchburg. And someone wants to make sure we understand THE THEME OF THE EPISODE, so Dean spirals a spoonful of theme at the audience, telling us to open wide for the choo-choo: "Because I'm the oldest, which means I'm always right." Mmm, spoon-fed plot points. Tastes kinda like chicken. The Metallicar zooms past the town limits sign, which is hilariously placed right in front of a billboard advertising the town as a wonderful place to live. On the billboard? "FitchbUrg." On the town limits sign directly in front of it? "FitchbErg." What the fuck ever.

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Supernatural

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