Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 5 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Are Still Not Having Sex With Each Other!

Our Lady Of The Anonymous Medical Centers, Who Gives A Rat's Ass, Idarissippi, U.S.A. Long story short, Bobby is indeed paralyzed, but he's in extreme denial about his medical condition at the moment, so we'll just wait for that to play out over the course of the season as well. In other news, Dean's managed to stumble across a cunning plan: He and Sam will force the various otherworldly combatants involved in the current Apocalypse right off the goddamned planet if they have to -- and by any means necessary, up to and including slaughtering St. Michael himself -- but they will not allow Zachariah and Lucifer's battle to move forward as planned. Yeah, you let me know how all that works out for you, hon. Bobby, bless him, thinks Dean's as much of a whackjob as I do. "And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?" "I got no idea," Dean admits, "but what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, and I'll figure it out." Again: You call me when the shuttle lands, sweetpea. And just as Sam and Dean are about to leave the room, Bobby calls Sam back to apologize for all of the horrible things he said when he was possessed, because he didn't mean any of them, because it wasn't really him saying them, and WE KNEW THAT ALREADY, and MOVING ON!

Out in the parking lot, Sam -- trying to be helpful, don't you know -- suggests they chase down The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Totally Can't, as said Fucking Colt might be useful in the fight against Lucifer, but Dean -- God love him -- just rolls his eyes and tells Sam to cram a sock in it. All of that manly speechifying we just witnessed in Bobby's hospital room? Empty bravado on Dean's part, purely for Bobby's benefit. Dean knows -- and Sam would know this too, if he just resigned himself to the facts -- that Our Intrepid Heroes haven't "a snowball's chance" against the variously arrayed armies of Heaven and Hell, and from there, the conversation devolves into the same sort of chick-flicky, tail-of-the-episode heart-to-hearts these endlessly prattling tear jockeys have indulged in at least 60 times before on this show, and as they're certain to repeat this distressing behavior again and again and again over the course of the fifth season, you'll forgive me if I seem less than enthused about transcribing this particular variation's dialogue word for word, and you'll also forgive me for basically skipping to the end already. Long story short, Dean's not so much pissed that Sam offed Lilith and started The Apocalypse (though, you know: Irritating!) but rather, he's furious that Sam "chose a demon over [his] own brother," and are we done yet? "I certainly hope so!" Oh, excellent. It's over.

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