In any event, Chuck Skypes the patently offensive and insane Internet pornography addict, and the patently offensive and insane Internet pornography addict, naturally, freaks. "Ohmigod! You got my letters! And my marzipan!" HA! The patently offensive and insane Internet pornography addict next helpfully identifies herself as "SamLicker81," the "webmistress" of MoreThanBrothers.net, which unfortunately kicks back an "Address Not Found" error, even though Warner Brothers bought the domain back in June. Long story short, Chuck -- under his nom de crap "Carver Edlund," obviously -- spills that he's being "watched," so he needs his number one fan to complete a dangerous mission for him. The Patently Offensive And Insane Internet Pornography Addict practically piddles her panties until Chuck adds that she's to get a message to Sam and Dean. "Look, Mr. Edlund," she eyerolls, "yes, I'm a fan, but I really don't appreciate being mocked." Then stop writing that garbage, you emotionally retarded moron. As expected, The Patently Offensive And Insane Internet Pornography Addict ignores my sound advice completely in favor of ranting, "I know that Supernatural's just a book, okay? And I know the difference between fantasy and reality!" Chuck, who'd been flopping around in elaborate and extremely amusing displays of increasing irritation during The Emotionally Retarded Moron's tirade, finally cuts her off with a sharp, "Becky, it's all real!" "I KNEW IT!" The Emotionally Retarded Moron exults, and because she has thus so successfully referenced Galaxy Quest -- which is an amusing movie for many reasons, none of them having to do with Tim Allen -- I'll drop the insulting nicknames for her for the rest of the recap, and proceed to call her "Becky." "Isn't that worse?!" Cram it, Raoul. "Hee!"
Next thing we know, Becky's a-knock-knock-knocking on this week's motel room's door, and while Dean quickly readies his trusty pearl-handled automatic, Sam bends down, and down, and down and down and down and down and down and down some more to peer through the peephole before opening the door. Becky swoons at the sight of him. "You okay?" Sam wonders. "Is it really you?" Becky gasps, and with that, she crosses the threshold to place a delicate hand upon his remarkably healthy chest. "You're so firm!" she squeals. "That's what Dean said!" Raoul! "[Titter!]" ANY-way, Sam's all, "Do I know you?" and Becky's all, "No, but I know you! You're Sam Winchester!" "And you're...!" she continues, turning to Dean before someone yanks the needle off her album. "...not what I pictured," Becky finishes, much to Dashing El Deano's ducky-lipped dismay. Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaaaaaaah! In any event, and long story short now that the amusing part's past, Becky invites herself in and eventually gets to the point: Chuck's had a vision that reads, "The Michael Sword is on Earth -- the angels lost it" and it now resides "in a castle on a hill made of 42 dogs." Of course, this makes no sense whatsoever to anyone, but that doesn't matter, because Becky has entirely expected and entirely entertaining Boundary Issues, and has placed her delicate hand once more against Darling Sammy's mighty chest. "Uh, Becky?" Sam politely begins. "Can you quit touching me?" "No." Atta girl.