...Present-Day Bobby's cutting through all of that crap with, "Well, did you dig up anything on the building, or on the suicidal coed?" Negative, but the apparent suicide isn't the only thing that's going on at the moment. "This next part, we, uh, didn't see it happen ourselves, exactly," Dean begins a bit hesitantly, perhaps correctly assuming Bobby's going to question their sanity simply for repeating the story, much less for actually investigating it, "but it's pretty friggin' weird, even for us." FLASHBACK! THAT'S NOT ONE OF THEIR OWN! WHATEVER! DEADLINE!

Chip The Meathead Jock Frat-Boy Asshole crosses the quad in front of Crawford Hall alone, presumably late at night, when a sharp, slicing noise slashes through the air somewhere above his head. He stops to look around but, finding nothing, soon continues on his meathead jock frat-boy asshole way. A louder, lower, almost grinding sound forces him to stop once again, and this time once he's craned his thick head back to scan the apparently empty sky, he's far more unnerved by it all. He slowly steps forward onto the sidewalk just as a searing white light opens up over his overgelled hair. He spins around and takes off down the hill, the light following his every dodge and swerve, until he sprawls flat on his fat, stupid face on a patch of grass. The light finally decides to stop screwing around and emits a bolt of electricity that zaps his frat-boy asshole body into the air, and I have to admit: despite all of this episode's many flaws, this is a damn well-executed effects sequence. Then again, remember what I'm used to. "Evil!" shrieks Raoul. As the tractor beam, or whatever, slowly yanks Chip The Meathead Jock Frat-Boy Asshole off the ground, we flip to an overhead of the action so we can see that the beam's actually burning a circle into the grass at the same time. Chip screams and screams and would scream some more, I'm sure, were his fat stupid meathead jock frat-boy asshole mouth not gobbled up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

"Aliens?" Bobby repeats incredulously. "My whole life, I've never found evidence of an honest-to-God abduction -- it's all cranks and pranks!" "Yeah, that's what we thought," Sam shrugs, "but we figured we'd at least talk to the guy." FLASHBACK! "WHEREIN THE DOMINANT BROTHER'S PERSPECTIVE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND IN WHICH THEY PRESENT SCENES NEITHER BROTHER EXPERIENCED FIRSTHAND!" Raoul! Volume! "Hee! Ooops! Just wanted to help you out!"