Back at the campus bar, it's Chip The Meathead Jock Frat-Boy Asshole's turn to down shot after shot after shot, for as we learn -- after he receives assurances from the LYING LIARS WHO LIE that his story will remain off the record, as Our Intrepid Heroes are once again "pretexting" as journalists -- the aliens who abducted him performed "tests" on him. We get brief, harshly-overlit-yet-softly-focused flashes of Chip lashed to an aluminum examination table as grey, waist-high, large-eyed alien types brandish various pointy objects in their long, bony hands. Chip downs another shot before admitting, "And they, uh...they probed me." Sam tries not to laugh while Dean furrows his brow to repeat, "They probed you?" "Yeah!" Chip mewls. "They probed me! Again, and again, and again"-- here he stops to down another shot -- "and again, and again, and again, and then one more time!" Heh. As someone so succinctly noted on the boards, David Tom just can't seem to keep things out of his ass lately on TV, now can he? "And that's not even the worst of it!" Chip claims. "They made me...slow dance!" And in an insanely ludicrous cut that nevertheless made me as happy as a little girl the first time I saw it, the camera slams over to take in a spinning disco ball as the hateful Chris de Burgh wails, "Lady in red! Is dan-cing! With! Me!" The camera pans down to find a wee little waist-high grey alien with enormous, reflective eyes contentedly swaying along to the music with Chip The Meathead Jock Frat-Boy Asshole, who's considerably less happy to be there. The alien tightens its bony arms around his waist and sighs, murmuring a bit of romantic-sounding alien gibberish as it presses its cheek against his stomach before drawing its head back to gaze lovingly up at his eyes. HA! The fact that we just saw all of that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever within the overall narrative construct of the episode, but I'll be damned if it wasn't the funniest thing tonight. Sam and Dean take a long moment to process all of that before the screen freezes once more, and...

...Present-Day Bobby grumbles, "You guys are exaggerating again, huh?" "No," they answer in rather dejected unison from their respective slumps on the room's furniture. "Then this frat boy's just nuts!" Bobby insists. "We're not so sure," Dean confesses as the camera gets all up in his face for yet another FLASHBACK!

The boys stand on the quad outside Crawford Hall just above the circular burn in the grass left behind by Chip's apparent abduction. "What the hell?" Dean groans. "I don't know," Sam glooms. "No, seriously, dude," Dean growls. "What the hell?" "I don't know!" Sam repeats. Heh. The shot freezes so Present-Day Dean might interject something entirely unimportant that merely serves to remind us all that he's the one narrating at the moment, before kicking back into action as Our Intrepid Heroes interview one of Chip's fraternity pledges, and, okay, this is also funny as hell. "You and this guy Curtis, you were in the same house?" Sam confirms. "You heard what happened to him, right?" Dean asks. The miniature fraternity pledge with the rapidly receding hairline snickers, "Yeah, he says it was aliens, but, you know, whatever." Captain Empathy rather inappropriately suits up at this juncture to deploy The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes and commiserate, "Look man, I know this all has to be so hard!" The Miniature Thirty-Year-Old Fraternity Pledge is all, "Um, dude? Not so much," but Super-Emo Captain Empathy will not be deterred! "I want you to know," he whispers intensely, allowing those Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes to mist over, "I'm here for you, you brave little soldier!" The Miniature Thirty-Year-Old Fraternity Pledge is growing increasingly uncomfortable. "I acknowledge your pain!" Super-Emo Captain Empathy -- Now With Special Pissy-Pants Action! -- yelps. "Come here!" And with that, the weepy Ginormotron envelops the tiny little pledge in a bone-crushing hug. "You're too precious for this world!" Flashback Sammy sobs, right before the scene grinds to a halt yet again so Present-Day Sam might yowl, "I never said that!" "You're always sayin' pansy stuff like that," Dean counters, and I hate to admit it, but he does have a point. Bobby's looking increasingly wary as the flashback spins forward again, and long story short, according to The Thirty-Year-Old Pledge here, Chip The Meathead Jock Frat-Boy Asshole "had it coming." Chip was, basically, a sadist to the pledge class, The Thirty-Year-Old Pledge claims, "so now he knows how we feel." Super-Emo Captain Empathy With Special Pissy-Pants Action practically dissolves into keening, paralyzing wails of grief over this brutal and unjust world of ours, right before the flashback cuts over to...