Not so quiet? Wifey's clunky clodhopping heels as she trots across the living room's bare floorboards before galumphing up the stairs. Also not so quiet? Wifey's delirious screech of horror when she arrives at the bathroom to find her beloved's rapidly cooling corpse slumped somewhere budget-saving and off-screen. Wifey screams and screams and screams and screams and...

...SPLAT! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, writhing about his overstuffed armchair with continued delight over the fifth season's bloody title card before he calms his overexcited self down a bit and turns to your faithful recapper to glare. Yes, Raoul? "Hmph!" I take it you are displeased with something? "Hmph!" Well, don't just sit there fuming -- tell me what's on yo... "You'll pardon me, I'm sure!" Raoul shrieks, rudely interrupting me. "But is what I've heard about this particular installment of our usually charming Thursday-evening divertissement correct?!" I don't know what you've he... "Is there no VIOLENCE!? Have they dispensed with the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE?!" Ah. I'm afraid they have, my scaly friend. "You're on your own!" But...but...you'll miss the fascinating character study that unfolds as Dean processes through his complicated emotional reaction to sudden aging! And the deep insights we receive regarding Bobby's ongoing disability! And, um, something about Darling Sammy's remarkably broad shoulders! "LIAR!" Raoul shrieks in an orgy of disdain. "FIEND!" he shrieks again, two perfect circles of outraged smoke popping from his indignantly flared nostrils. "J'ACCUSE!" he shrieks once more, jabbing an exquisitely manicured claw of condemnation in my general direction, and you can knock it off anytime you feel like it, Raoul, because I think you've made your point. Now, what did you mean about me being on my own? "Why, this!" the dizzy lizard snits, and with that, he wriggles his tubby derriere from the depths of his overstuffed armchair and flounces off to his den, from which presently emerges the opening narration to that timeless classic of the British cinema, Hot Fuzz. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Oh, terrific. I have to plow through this mess without my normally faithful recapping companion while said normally faithful recapping companion is watching something far more entertaining than this mess? Thanks for nothing, show.