Episode Report Card
admin: D- | 5 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Make It A Manwitch Night

This week's motel room, denouement. Darling Sammy and Speed Racer exchange a few pleasantries regarding the former's outstanding bit of luck the previous evening, and then Darling Sammy heads off for the free clinic and another round of antibiotics just as Dashing El Deano returns to this week's motel room, munching on a delicious-looking bacon double cheeseburger. Once Sam's disappeared to deal with his secret shame, Bobby proposes he and Dean load up the...van? The van? Really, Bobby -- a van? Whatever. That's not important right now, because what is important right now is the fact that Dashing El Deano wishes to gift the hairy paraplegic with a rousing pep talk. And I'd care about it more, I'm sure, especially given the fact that Blockheaded Bobby had earlier threatened to blast his own damn fool head off in a fit of wheelchair-related frustration, but again: Dean could have immediately returned twenty-six chips to The Manwitch for immolation rather than twenty-five, thereby restoring Blockheaded Bobby to the latter's former state of entirely ambulatory health, but Dean didn't immediately return twenty-six chips to The Manwitch for immolation rather than twenty-five, so I do not care, because THIS EPISODE SUCKS, AND I WANT TO DIE!

"Demian!" WHAT? Oh. Hi, Raoul. How was Hot Fuzz? "DEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lightful! Hee! See what I did there?!" Yes, Raoul. Yes, I see what you did there. Very nice, I'm sure. "Did you miss me!?" Actually, I kinda did, now that you ask, but there's something I missed just a little bit more. "Flagons?!" Well, I was actually going to say "an engaging plot for this evening's presentation," but are you offering? "Of course!" Then mix away, my scaly friend, while I handle what little remains of the misbegotten abomination. "No problem! Whatsoever!"

And while Raoul toddles off to whip us up a batch of something healing and tasty, Dean tells Bobby that old soldiers never die, they just fade away, and that cheers Speed Racer right up. I'm pretty sure. Please don't make me rewind to check, because there are seriously only fifty-four seconds left in this hateful episode, and it would be a thing of beauty and a joy forever if I could get through it without inflicting grave bodily injury upon myself. And in the end, we see the return of Badass Bobby as he most awesomely asks, "Now, are we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts." Hee. But then they have to ruin that beautiful moment by implying Dashing El Deano's decided to swear off delicious-looking bacon double cheeseburgers for good, and this show SUCKS and I WANT TO DIE and WHY WILL THIS EPISODE NOT END and look at that -- it's over. Thank fucking Christ.

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