Supernatural
The French Mistake

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 28 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Hardy Boys Only Pawn In Game Of Life

...the lot, where they commandeer one of the decrepit Impalas to, uh, I don't know -- drive back to the real world? Assholes. Of course, the engine in the prop car dies long before they reach the studio's main gate, but just as they're about to admit defeat, a harried nerd of PA directs them over towards their chauffeured SUV, where a gruff-faced mountain of a man awaits to whisk them away to wherever they so choose. The chauffeur, incidentally, is meant to represent this guy, about whom I know nothing, so let's skip ahead to the point where he drops the two off at "Jared Padalecki's" "impressive" "manse," shall we?

Oops. Forgot the moderately amusing bit during the ride wherein Dean wonders, "Where the hell are we, anyway?" just as the SUV passes beneath a giant "BIENVENUE À VANCOUVER" sign. "Dude, we're not even in America!" Dean growls, sotto-voce, to Sam. Dude, when did Dean turn into a xenophobic douchebag who hates Polish people?

Stately Padalecki Manor, which is an immense pile set high atop a hill, and either Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are making way more than I thought they did to appear in this crap, or real estate in Vancouver is incredibly cheap. Or, you know, the real-life production's using a hotel to represent "Jared Padalecki's" impossibly extravagant home. Your choice. In any event, the boys enter to marvel at "Jared's" swank digs, which include a tanning bed parked in the entrance hall for some reason, several knockoff Warhol silk-screens of Jared Padalecki's freakish Cro-Magnon skull adorning the walls, a fully stocked bar in one corner of the otherwise empty great hall, and a herd of alpacas in the backyard. Just then, "Jared's" wife "Genevieve" appears on the balcony overlooking the boys to call Dean a dumbass, and I really don't mean to be cruel, here, but Jesus Christ! Genevieve Cortese-Padalecki even sucks when she's playing herself. Or, you know, a reasonable facsimile thereof. Actually, I'm hoping it's an unreasonable facsimile we're seeing, here, because this "Genevieve" is a shrewish harridan who insists on dressing like one of the Girls Next Door even though she still can't walk in heels. "Genevieve" galumphs down to the main floor on her strappily shod hooves to gift Sam with an affectionate kiss on the lips, much to the gaping, goggle-eyed horror of Our Intrepid Idiots, because they think she's Princess Embolism. And as the wacky wocka-wocka pedal guitar escorts us into this evening's first CHOMP!-less commercial break, I seriously consider bailing on the rest of this mess in favor of kick-starting Raoul's Oscar Night shindig a couple of days early.

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