Remember that tense-making cliffhanger from the end of last week's episode? You know, the one that left us all thinking The Leviathans had turned Bobby into a bitty pile of ash while an ambulance carried Our Grievously Injured Heroes straight into the depths of The Leviathans' new lair at Sioux Falls General Hospital? Yeah, well, they rid themselves of all that awesome excitement within the episode's first thirty seconds and then shot forward in time three weeks so there'd be absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. I told you they'd fuck it all up.
So, moments after Our Dear Boys have been wheeled into Sioux Falls General, a spiffed-up Bobby materializes with no explanation at all to whisk them away to Whitefish, Montana, where Bobby had -- get this -- stored copies of all of his priceless research, so the loss of The Emporium is really no big deal. And after stuffing Sam's leaky brain back into his skull through his ear, and after plopping Dean down on a couch in front of a neverending stream of telenovelas that magically heal his shattered tibia completely in less than 21 days, the episode proper opens with a still-hallucinating Sam going walkabout to investigate a series of gruesome murders 350 miles away in Bozeman. The M.O. behind the crimes, you see, matches that of a case he took on all by his lonesome twenty-three years ago when he was, like, six goddamned years old, and it seems the same beastie's responsible for this latest spate of killings.
Through a series of yellow-toned flashbacks, we watch as Wee Sam meets and befriends one "Amy Pond," a lissome lass with a nasty piece of work for a mother, and it turns out both Amy and her ma are "Kitsunes," and I don't know why I bothered linking to that Wikipedia entry because Kitsunes on this show are brain-sucking monsters with absolutely devastating manicures who must feast on human pituitary glands lest they fall ill and die. Flashback Amy saved Wee Sam's life by killing her own mother, so Wee Sam let her go on the condition she avoid killing anyone else for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, Present Amy's half-Kitsune son got really, really sick, so she started sucking on the heads of various lowlifes and deadbeats to heal the kid, and now she must die.
Sam, however, can't bring himself to do it -- Amy again convinces him that she'll forego live brains forever the instant her son's back to his old self -- so it falls to Sneaky Dean, who'd been tracking Sam this entire time, to confront Amy in her motel room, where he aerates her torso with some sort of special Kitsune-killing knife. For whatever dumbass reason, Idiot Dean lets Amy's kid go, though, so I expect they'll be dealing with him at some point later on in the season. Unless, you know, they forget the frigging kid ever existed in the first place.
Meanwhile, in Leviathan news, the entirely resuscitated Edgar and one of his minions do manage to track Our Intrepid Heroes to Montana through Moron Sam's repeated use of a stolen credit card, but the only thing that comes of that is a cheese-coated convenience store clerk, and that certainly seems like it was hardly worth the effort, doesn't it?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN!, and let's keep this quick, 'cause God knows they're just gonna forget about most of this crap as soon as they hit the title card: Darling Sammy is crazy, My Sweet Baboo swallowed a bunch of Leviathans and dissolved himself in a municipal reservoir, The Leviathans traveled through the water system to possess an untold number of humans before assuming control of a hospital -- the better to snack on the viscera of various patients, as you'll recall -- and a Leviathan named Edgar blew up The Emporium before knocking half of Darling Sammy's brain out through the latter's freakish Cro-Magnon ear while snapping Dashing El Deano's tibia in about eighteen different places. And at the end of the last episode, Our Imperiled Heroes found themselves strapped helplessly to a pair of gurneys, riding a speeding ambulance straight down into the hellish depths of The Leviathans' new lair at Sioux Falls General. DUN!
Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! We get a woozy, out-of-focus Dean P.O.V. of various medical personnel laboring above Our Grievously Injured Hero until the ruthlessly efficient lady-doctor in charge snaps part of his shattered tibia back into place, at which point Dean bolts upright on his ER gurney to scream. As a burly orderly -- and are there ever any other kinds of orderlies on TV? -- does his level best to hold Dean down, Dean snarls, "Where am I?" "Sioux Falls General," the lady-doctor curtly replies before focusing once again on the shredded, mangled mess that used to be his right shin -- a shredded, mangled mess that remains, I should note, off-screen during this entire scene, like, throw us a frigging bone, here, you bastards. You know, so to speak. Anyway, Dean gets all panicky and such, bellowing for his severely concussed brother, until an extremely helpful nurse pushes a hypodermic full of morphine into his IV line, at which point Dean finally shuts up and falls asleep.
Some time later, Dean awakens to find himself all by his lonesome in a room just off the main nurses' station. He slowly pulls himself up, rips out his IV, and... crashes to the floor when he tries to hop out of the bed! D'OH! Dumbass. Barely has he had a chance to acknowledge the existence of that massive cast now stretching all the way up his right leg when a notably spiffed-up Bobby wanders through the door with absolutely no explanation at all for where he's been or what he's been up to or why he's not a bitty pile of ash topped off by a charred trucker's cap right about now, and no, I am not exaggerating. See for yourself with these exact quotes:
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