The Winchesters get a prerecorded video from Kevin Tran that basically says, "If you're getting this, it means I'm dead and it's your fault. But here's all my Demon Tablet research!" The brothers pore over the countless notes and pictures until Sam realizes he recognizes one of the symbols from his college days. It's Metatron's symbol, but it's been used by the Two Rivers tribe, who've managed to hold onto their original land despite the onslaught of white settlers. Thinking that perhaps Metatron has been protecting them, Sam and Dean set off on a good old fashioned road trip to look for him.
What they find is a Two Rivers hotel that hasn't had a guest in seven years, a hotel manager who hasn't aged in a century or more and a regular shipment of books. Sam starts remembering all sorts of tiny details from the past and confesses to Dean that even as a child he felt somehow impure, as if he knew all along about his demon blood. He feels the Trials are purifying him, because... whatever. He also begins hearing painful ringing noises. It's not the tinnitus they all got from the indoor shooting range last week, but a sign that Sam is "resonating" with Metatron. Dean and Sam the Giant Tuning Fork soon find Metatron holed up at the very same hotel, where he's been gushing over books like some kind of Heavenly Henry Bemis. He's been hanging out with the Two Rivers people since God went on walkabout, in hiding from the rest of Heaven. He's so out of touch that he didn't know that all the archangels are dead and/or gone. He didn't even know who the Winchesters are, so he obviously hasn't gotten around to those "Carver Edlund" books yet.
Meanwhile, Kevin Tran is not dead, but in Crowley's clutches. Crowley has demons pretending to be the Winchesters, trying to trick Kevin into revealing where he's hidden the other half of the Demon Tablet. You know who Crowley also has in his clutches? Castiel, that's who. Thanks to a double agent angel named Ion, Crowley manages to capture God's Dreamiest Angel just before Naomi can do it herself. Crowley shoots him with a special bullet made from melted angel swords. His intent isn't to kill Castiel (yet), but to find the Angel Tablet, which he eventually figures out Castiel is carrying in his abdomen and digs it out with his bare hands. It seems like everything's coming up Crowley, but Kevin soon figures out that the demons are too nice to be the real Winchesters. When Crowley explodes in a fit of rage and tries to kill Kevin, Metatron rescues the little prophet. Kevin, having snatched Crowley's half of the Demon Tablet, announces that the final trial requires that Sam cure a demon.
At the end, the Winchesters are driving back to the Lair of Letters when a familiar rumpled shape appears in the middle of the road. It's Castiel, who's in pretty bad shape, but you would be, too, if the King of Hell had just given you an impromptu C-section. Stay tuned for the full recap.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.
THEN! Sam wondered what might the Angel Tablet do, if the Demon Tablet can shut the Gates of Hell. All Castiel knew was that he had to protect it from both Naomi and Dean. (Technically, he said he had to protect it from "you," so we don't know if he meant it in the general "you humans" sense or in the more specific "you, the man who wears three shirts and two jackets regardless of the weather or season" sense.) Dean finally got to meet Naomi, but he didn't exactly shower her with muffin baskets, seeing as how she did all kinds of horrible things to Castiel after she got him out of Purgatory. Castiel wasn't the only angel to go through Naomi's Re-Neducation therapy, as he discovered when poor, doomed Samandriel told him Naomi had been turning their minds to mush. Naomi tried to make like she had Castiel's best interests at heart when she turned to Dean to find the wayward angel, but Dean didn't quite buy it. In other off-and-on plots of the season, the Lord's Loopiest Prophet, Kevin Tran, discovered that the gates of Hell could be closed after passing God's three trials. Dean intended to undertake the trials, but it was Sam who slid into home at the last moment and took his place. This led to Sam becoming melodramatically ill while Dean fretted over him like a hen over her eggs with a fox in the coop. The Lord's Loopiest Prophet began to suffer a breakdown of his own, of the mental sort, when he became convinced that Crowley was infiltrating his dreams. He decided to hit the road without leaving a forwarding address for the Winchesters.
NOW! Kevin wakes up on Garth's houseboat, covered in sticky notes and burgeoning stubble, as if he'd never left at all. Clearly something is amiss, since we saw him skedaddle a few episodes ago, and again just now in the previouslies. He rolls out of bed, adds a sticky note to a wall that is already several layers thick with sticky notes. When a pounding comes at the door, he gulps and approaches with great trepidation. The pounding comes again, this time accompanied by Dean's familiar voice: "Come on, Kevin! Open up! It's us." Kevin opens the door and sprays Dean in the face with a Super Soaker of holy water. Dean sizzles only in the sexy way, and not in the "ahhhh I'm melting!" way. "You forgot the knock," Kevin grumps. "What's the point of a secret knock if you don't use it!" A heretofore unseen Sam leans into the doorway, only to get a blast of holy water. Sam, looking healthier than he has in a long while, just smiles and holds up a satchel. "We got it," he says with a waggle of his brows.