Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THE ROAD SO FAR! Oh, God. "Wayward Son" again? Sigh. Remember when that song used to kick ass? Anyway: Once upon a time, there was an abortive Apocalypse, followed by this entire stupid and unnecessary season, which featured charming scenes of the quiet home life as enjoyed by Domesticated El Deano, Bendy Lisa, and The Brat; a touching reunion for Our Intrepid Heroes; Soulless Sammy shooting stray mutts in the face; Deformed El Deano hacking the heads off of sexy teenaged vampires; Slutty Sam pulling post-coital chin-ups; Soulless Sammy menacing Bobby with a knife; My Sweet Baboo fisting Soulless Sammy's innards to discover the latter's shameful secret; Capital-D Death retrieving Soulless Sammy's tattered and torn spirit from The Cage; Capital-D Death restoring Soulless Sammy's tattered and torn spirit to his body; Bobby most awesomely igniting a pile of dusty old demon bones; Daunted El Deano fleeing through the corn from supposed UFOs; Dauntless El Deano hacking his way through a series of down-low Starships; My Sweet Baboo searing the brains clear out of a variety of monsters' skulls; Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon immensely improving an otherwise hideously boring episode with his fabulous presence; the cunning deployment of Angel-B-Gon sigils; The Eve Of Destruction; Crowley's season-long search for Purgatory; The Goddess Of Truth; an egregiously dumb episode involving fairies and leprechauns; My Sweet Baboo's secret deal with Crowley to join in on the latter's season-long search for Purgatory; The Importance Of Souls; Raphael's arrogant intention to restart that abortive Apocalypse I mentioned above; the cunning deployment of Angel-Smiting Scimitars; My Sweet Baboo's Mighty Hands Of Discontent; Raphael's mid-season sex change; Crowley's faked death; The Eve Of Destruction's eve of destruction; and Short-Dick El Deano breaking up with his adorably rumpled little boyfriend for good. You want links? Knock yourself out.
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! Oh, Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! I think I'll miss you most of all. Even if you've so often been a LYING LIAR WHO LIES. And when the Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! has faded away for the very last time, the screen fills with an immensely aggravating hand-held jerky close-up of Darling Sammy's madly panicked face. It's my understanding they're pulling a Bourne with the way this sequence has been staged and shot, but as I have never seen any of those movies and have no desire whatsoever to change that fact now, I'll just have to believe what I've read on the Internet for once in my life. "It's making me woozy!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, who's looking especially green around the gills right about now, and Raoul, honey, the fifty or so flagons you've already consumed this evening are making you woozy. This is going to make you horf. "How indelicate! Make it go away! Make it go away!"