Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 10 USERS: A
Stop The Hardy Boys -- I Want To Get Off

...Autistic Heaven, where we arrive mere moments after we last left the place. Castiel's Voiceover has been explaining that, although he finds his alliance with Crowley distasteful in the extreme, he feels like he had no other choice. Flashback Raphael was much stronger than Flashback Castiel, to the point that Flashback Castiel knew he "wouldn't survive a straight fight," so he "went to an old friend for help." By now, we've shot back down to Earth to watch My Flashback Baboo watching his Flashback Boyfriend as the latter rakes leaves in Flashback Bendy Lisa's yard, and Castiel's Voiceover concedes that at that moment, his flashback self realized he couldn't ask Flashback Dean to sacrifice any more than he already had. It was also at this point in the past, we learn, that Crowley initially approached Castiel with his whole Purgatory proposal, which Flashback Crowley presents as a "simple business transaction." Flashback Castiel, of course, is initially extremely skeptical, and in fact is positively bristling with hostility at the very idea of entering into an arrangement with the flashback demon, but when Flashback Crowley hints that his proposal will endow Flashback Castiel with the power he needs to defeat Flashback Raphael, My Flashback Baboo reluctantly follows Flashback Crowley down to...

...Hell. As Strauss's "Blue Danube Waltz" plays over Hell's loudspeaker system, a new arrival takes a number and steps to the back of an endless line of 6,611,527,124 similarly damned souls to wait his turn at the front. Which, of course, none of them will ever reach, as Flashback Crowley explains to Flashback Castiel. You see, when Flashback Crowley took over, he decided to redesign Hell's entire set-up. "The problem with the old place," he notes, "was most of the inmates were masochists already -- a lot of 'Thank you, sir, can I have another hot spike up the jacksy?' -- but just look at them. No one likes waiting in line." "What happens when they reach the front?" Flashback Castiel wonders. "Nothing!" Flashback Crowley chipperly replies. "They go right back to the end again -- that's efficiency!"

And now that that's out of the way, let's cut to the chase: Long story short, Flashback Crowley plays on Flashback Castiel's vanity -- which, as it turns out, is not inconsiderable -- and he convinces him to initiate that Heavenly civil war we've been hearing so much about all season long. He also convinces My Flashback Baboo to go halfsies with him on the "30 or 40 million" beastie souls now trapped in Purgatory, and even fronts him 50,000 of the damned so Flashback Castiel can make a bit of a splash when he returns to Heaven to challenge Flashback Raphael. "God chose you to save us," Flashback Crowley insists, "and I think, deep down, you know that." "I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment," Current Castiel's Voiceover sighs as Flashback Castiel silently agrees to Flashback Crowley's plan, "or the next."

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