Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: A+ | 8 USERS: A
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The Hardy Boys Are NOT Having SEX With Each Other! GOD!

"Everything is in here!" Dean complains. "I mean everything, from the racist truck to me having sex -- I'm full-frontal, here, dude!" "Not as much as we'd like you to be, you saucy little lad!" Hey! I was just thinking the same thing. "Hee!" "How come we haven't heard of them before?" Dean wonders, rising from the bed, though unfortunately said rising is not to facilitate pants removal. "[Titter!]" "They're pretty obscure," Sam explains, reading from his research. "Almost zero circulation, started in oh-five, publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt, and the last one -- 'No Rest For The Wicked' -- ends with you going to Hell." Sounds about right, especially that bit about The CW going bankrupt. Sucks to be Dawn Ostroff! In any event, Sam slides his laptop over to Dean so the latter might get an eyeful of Flying Wiccan Press's still-extant message boards for the Supernatural series. "Check it out!" Dean notes, sounding unreasonably excited about his discovery. "There's actually fans!" I know, Dean. "Although for fans," he continues after checking out the first page of posts, "they sure do complain a lot." I know, Dean. Believe me, I know. And then to prove that, he tosses a massive shout-out to TWoP's very own lovely and talented Simpatico by reading aloud the following contribution from the "UK" based "Sam Fan": "The demon storyline is trite, clich├ęd, and overall craptastic." Sounds about right. Dean, however, would beg to differ: "Well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it." Hee, but oh, dear. We know the protocol for dealing with the vile and base misanthropes who dare be MENA TO DEEN!!!!!!11!!1!1, but how on earth are we to react when ZOMG DENAZ MEEN 2 SINTAPICO!!!!!1!!!1!!1 Will the show's fans unite to campaign against such depraved indiffer...you know what? I can't even finish that. We all know that if Dean's being mean to the lovely and talented Simpatico, then the lovely and talented Simpatico must have started it, so the lovely and talented Simpatico therefore deserves it, and nyaaaaaaaaah!

Now, where was I? Ah. The porn. The online gay porn written by straight women. Specifically, the online gay porn written by straight women who fantasize about incest between straight men on the TV. "WHAT?!" Raoul gasps, appalled. Don't ask. "WHAT!?" Look, if you don't already know about it, consider yourself lucky. "WHAT?!" Oh, never mind. "Okay! [Slurp!]" Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. "No problem!" In any event, Dean continues to read off the screen, noting, "There's 'Deangirls' and 'Samgirls' and...what's a 'Slash Fan'?" "As in," Darling Sammy attempts to explain, uncertain how to describe the abomination before delicately continuing, "Sam-slash-Dean." He pauses to choke back the bile. "Together." Dean's luxuriously lashed doe eyes widen with sudden, horrified understanding. "Together together?" he gasps, appalled. "Yeah," comes Sam's equally appalled reply. "They do know we're brothers, right?" "Doesn't seem to matter," Sam blinks. "Aw, come on!" Dean protests. "That's just sick!" And dearest Dean -- Dean, Dean, Dean -- I KNOW. Move it along! Disgusted Yet Still-Dashing El Deano obliges me by salting and burning the entire Internet before demanding they speak with this Carver Edlund person immediately. Unfortunately, "Carver Edlund" appears to be a penname, so the boys head off to...

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Supernatural

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