Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 5 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Just Have Their Party On TV

Gender Dysphoric Castiel quickly sears the demons out of two of his/her/its adversaries -- saving Dean's pretty, pretty face from a beating in the process, by the way -- but s/he/it's a little too late to assist Crazy Sammy, who's managed to pin down his own henchdemon while retrieving The Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, and because Crazy Sammy's Blood Addictions Are In-SANE!, rather than offing the thing instantly with The Knife, Crazy Sammy first scrapes at the henchdemon's carotid with the apparently sharpened hilt, or whatever, down the resulting gout of demonic arterial spray right there in front of everybody! "That makes no sense!" You're telling this to me, Raoul? "Well, I am sorry, I'm sure! But wouldn't the teensiest scrape with any part of that silly little weapon have killed the demon person inside that waitress dead?!" One would think so, my scaly friend, but we're so close to the end of this hateful episode that I'd rather ignore that fact, if that's okay with you. "Okay!" And have you anything to add? "Of course! [A-him!] GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" For yes, gentle reader, when Crazy Sammy rises from the henchdemon's neck, he's got blood smeared all over his teeth and chin like he's an unusually tall extra in the Sarah Polley remake of Dawn Of The Dead, and with his wicked mojo thus crazily recharged, he unleashes a Mighty Hand Of Discontent that actually works this time around, efficiently and safely depossessing dreary Mrs. Jimmy of the monster who made her so entertaining to watch, if only for a few brief minutes. Sigh.

There follows a scene between Gender Dysphoric Castiel and Jimmy that, while touchingly enacted by at least one of the participants -- and I think you know which darling dearest I'm talking about, here -- drags on approximately three hours and forty-two minutes too long, so I'll be getting to the point, if that's okay with everyone. Long story short, Jimmy's dying, and that's okay, really, because as Gender Dysphoric Castiel reveals, "You served us well, and your work is done. It's time to go home now -- your real home -- to rest forever in the fields of the Lord." So much for keeping what's on the other side a secret, I suppose, but we'll worry about Tessa and her colleagues later, because how in the hell did Castiel manage to possess Jimmy's aggravating annoyance of a daughter in the first place? "She's Chosen," Gender Dysphoric Castiel answers me. "It's in her blood." So, Vesseldom's genetic, then? Good to know. Of course, because Misha Collins has signed on for the fifth season, there's no way in hell Jimmy's actually going to drop dead there on the concrete warehouse floor, so Jimmy of course negotiates Castiel's transfer back into his body, but before that exchange occurs, you should know what's in store for Jimmy The Mook. "You won't die," Gender Dysphoric Castiel explains to him, "or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred -- a thousand -- more like it." And with that, we know angels require living, acquiescent hosts, so can we end this goddamned scene already? "We can!" Fan-fucking-tastic. "Demian! Language!" Oh, leave me alone. "Hee!"

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